A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi dearcupid.I am 26 year old single woman, have never been in a long term relationship. I am the only single person within my group of friends, in fact these days I seem to be the only single person wherever I go, work, university. This never bothered me before, I always enjoyed my freedom, going wherever I want when I want, partying, going travelling getting chatted up by different guys, going on dates. I have dated a few guys (without sleeping around)but I couldn't see myself in a relationship with them. I suppose I was happy being single. I was always confident and independent. I could walk into a bar on my own to meet people, whereas my friends in long term relationships would tell me they couldn't do that, I could never understand this myself.Then two years ago, I had major family problems. One of parents died while the other one suffered a mental illness. It put everything into context for me. It was as if my life went on pause and after such experiences I changed as a person. I felt like I had nobody to turn to, that I was completely alone. My friends where all loved up and getting on with things. Now I am getting pressure from family and friends to " get a nice man and settle down" if only it where that simple!I have a close friend's wedding coming up and I will be going alone, this never bothered me before but it does now. I will be the only single person with a group of couples. I have to go to this wedding, as I want to wish them well. I was dating a guy, but ended it when I found out he was contacting his ex to get back with her and I am certainly not going to contact him to just to get a date for the wedding. However, I am dreading it, I'll feel awkward. I'm not sure if there is advice you can give, but maybe reassurance that it's ok to still be single and not want to rush into a relationship at 26, and that its ok to go to a wedding alone.Thank you for reading.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 Chigirl has some good points on needing to want a serious relationship in order to make one work. I was single from 20 until I was about 23 and then I realized I wanted something real. But, it took a while to find that someone.
Just be patient and you will find someone worth the effort. As for the wedding, go alone. Your there to support your friends in starting their life together. It shouldn't matter whether you're single or in a relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2012): I would go to the wedding alone, there's nothing wrong with going to occasions/events by yourself in fact when you actually get there people will always talk to you. I wouldn't want to miss a friends wedding.
I think that sometimes you think that being single is ok and that you can cope with it, for me that's what I thought but now later on in life I don't like being single and I wish that I had met that someone special may be I'll go back to liking be single but at the moment I don't.
So I would say look for that someone special but of course don't settle down just because you are being pressured. All the best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 January 2012):
 Im 26 and single, if that makes you feel less alone. You're not alone. You probably already knew that, you just feel alone anyway because you don't want to be alone. You want to have someone by your side. And believe it or not, but I think that it is only when you actually WANT to be with someone and have someone by your side that you are ready to be in a relationship and give of yourself.
I've been in relationships where it was all fun and games. Maybe I didn't need them, or they didn't really need me. The relationship then becomes sort of.. shallow and meaningless. What I mean is that you should always be independent and get by on your own, not be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. But at the same time you need to WANT a relationship, and want it so much tha you are actually going to work for it, work through problems that arise, dedicate yourself and give of yourself.
A person who is completely fulfilled being single wont put in the effort that it takes to have a sucessful relationship, but will drop the relationship as soon as there is any trouble.
I think that now that you no longer want to be single is the only time for you to look into gettig a relationship. I don't think you'd be ready for it otherwise. Because relationships are work, they aren't just a joyful ride. And unless you want it, really want it, you'll fail at it. Of course, the other person needs to actually want the relationship as well, and be willing to work for you as much as you are willing to work to keep him.
As for the wedding.. there's probably going to be more single persons there. But does it matter? You are not attending a wedding to get a date or find a husband, you're there to celebrate your friends. So what if you are single and going alone, you're going to meet your friends there. So you won't be all alone. Besides, it's just one occasion. Suck it up and enjoy the wedding instead of feeling lonely. Be happy for them. One day it might be you up there getting married.
Whatever you do don't settle. Find someone nice, sure, but don't settle for "good on paper". Don't marry someone you don't love, or you'll just be giving in to group pressure and you'll be miserable in the years to come.
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