A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey i have been going out with my new girlfriend for nearly 3 weeks now but I'm feeling incredibly paranoid. I always think she is messing around behind my back. My ex girlfriend cheated on me once and i was with her for 2 years and i keep thinking to myself that my new girlfriend isn't that same. I can't shake off the feeling of being paranoid though.
View related questions:
cheated on me, ex girlfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kalyov  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 I have the same problem. I have been with my bf for 23 days now and I am starting to get paranoid as well. Hes not the lovey-dovey talk to me all day, as he was the first 15 days we were together. Now that hes home on Christmas break and were 1 1/2hrs apart instead of 30min, it's just not the same.
We have seen each other a bit more, but not much. He texted my cell earlier asking where I was because he was sad I hadn't talked to him all day (I was sleeping.) But when I got up I got online (we talk online more than on the phone) and he didn't seem like he wanted to talk anymore....I said "hey baby!" like normal and all he said was "Hi" unlike his normal "Hey Hun!!" and then he logged off 5min later.
I've been paranoid about the way hes acting because last Thursday we were together and I was sitting beside him while he was on his laptop, and some girl popped up on him on messenger and said "I thought you wanted to view my webcam?" and he wouldn't really answer her while I was sitting there, he would just say "lol" and quickly X out of the convo.
I asked his best friend who this girl was and he said "She is an old friend of his and they havn't seen each other in ages and she just wanted to see him again."
But I don't know....
I'm very paranoid about it because of the last guy I was with turned out to be a player, He had another girlfriend...or two.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): Dear Poster
You have to learn to let go of what happened in the past; you have to learn to trust your girlfriend; if you find it difficult and want to save this relationship; get professional help; counseling will be to your advantage, not just for now and with this relationship but will benefit you for your entire life. Living with the fear of somebody cheating on you is not healthy; unfortunately you had some bad experiences and it is not always easy to forgive and not to mention the difficulty of forgetting;
Do remember that not all people are cheaters and that you will have to learn to trust; it won't happen automatically. Speak to this girl and explain to her that you have a problem with trust; ask her to please help you to overcome your fears; communication is very important; she might appreciate your honesty and be more understanding towards you; otherwise she might think you are clingy/jealous etc. That is not the impression you want as that is not your intention; talk to her and if need be get some professional help in overcoming your issues from the past.
The fear of somebody cheating on you is similar to the fear of rejection or losing somebody; it is terrible and can be very difficult to deal with on your own; with the help of a loving, caring and understanding partner, you will and can learn to let go of those fears and issues, but then your partner needs to be willing to co-operate and help you. I do believe you will benefit from counseling, not just for now, but longterm.
Best wishes and lots of smiles!
...............................
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Talk to her about it in your own time. Don't make it to dnm (deep and meaningfull) just be a man and talk to her about how you feel. be honest and tell her about your past experiences
Look her in the eyes and see if she looks into your eyes, if she starts making a fuss about it she could be feeling guilty which means the though may have crossed her mind to be with another person or another person has tried somthing on her. this dosent mean she done somthing wrong yet. If she comforts you it means she really is genuine and cares about how you are feeling.
Any way... why would she want to be with another person?
...............................
|
