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male
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*ommy
writes: I feel sick and cant sleep whenever my girlfriend goes out.I've been with my gf for 5 years now, I've always been the strong one, in a way I've always felt in control of the relationship!Recently she has met new friends and seems much happier than she has ever been, except when she is with me. Now whenever she goes out, even just with family, I feel sick to my stomache, I am not sleeping or eating properly. I'm not happy at work either, and I'm not sure if this or my girlfs new found independance is the problem. I'm not really scared she will meet someone else, but I cant bare to be without her, to the point of not seeing my friends much anymore.What can I do, I dont want to feel this way anymore?
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male
reader, Tommy +, writes (5 May 2006):
Tommy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy for your replies, I know now that the problem is me, and things between my gf and I have been better for it. I have started to realise how silly im being but still cant really stop feeling the way I do just yet.
I'm looking at going back to uni, I have to get out of this job.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2006): You are definitely showing signs of insecurity. Your statement "I've always felt in control of the relationship" is a dead giveaway of your insecurity. This insecurity is making you a downer to the people around you, so it stands to reason that your gf finds you to be a downer. I'm sure she cares about you, wants you to be happy, and maybe even want to help, but she is probably getting frustrated by your apparent inability to get over your insecurity.
I am an extremely self-confident person, but about ten years ago my confidence was shaken by a set of bad experiences I had at work. I would be stressed out at work and come home completely drained physically. Eventually I hated going to work. I thought the job was the root cause of my confidence problems because after a two-week vacation, feeling somewhat refreshed, I became stressed out the minute I stepped into the office. I changed jobs months later and in the process exorcised the confidence problem by realizing that I let the job define my sense of well-being.
I don't for a minute suggest that the root cause for your confidence issues lies in your job. But if you can't discover the root causes for your behaviour, lack of confidence, and insecurity, your gf will continue to drift away from you. You have to take the initiative and fix a problem that exists exclusively in your head - don't try blaming others for this issue. If you cannot make progress in a self-examination of your behaviour then it's time to seek out your friends or a professional.
I wish you luck in resolving your issue.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (4 May 2006):
 Write down a list of all the positive things in your life. Write all the qualities you posses in order to get another job...not just qualifiactions, but all your experiences you've had dealing with public etc. I've done this before and it has helped a great deal. Focus on all the good things you can bring to a prospective employer. What are your weaknesses and strengths? The only person that can motivate you is YOU!! So get on out there and be positive, put a smile on your face and things will get better...!! xx
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A
male
reader, Tommy +, writes (4 May 2006):
Tommy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy Anja, I am really in love with her. Im not happy in my job at the moment, Im trying to do something about it but getting nowhere. I'm lacking motavation, feel like I'm getting left behind I guess.
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A
female
reader, Anja +, writes (3 May 2006):
Ahhh ( I sigh!!) you sound really in love with her, but be careful...love can be an obsession. How is your life looking at the moment? Are you jeslous of her being happy? Are you happy with yourself? Don't be living your life through your girlfriend, it doesn't work like that. Sounds like you have got used to doing that these past 5 years. You need to get out and have a bit of fun yourself, join a club, go out and meet new people. She is probably not happy around you cos you are feeling neglected and are probably grumpy all the time...so yea you are young don't get bogged down with what your g/f is doing. You been together a while now so you should have a relatively good foundation and enough trust built up there to lead your own lives as well as spending some quality time together!
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