| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I feel really sad tonight. I'm a first year university student, home for the holidays after my first semester. I met my current boyfriend through our halls - we live together in the same flat.Anyway, recently i've been very low because he hasn't been very thoughtful. So far this holiday, he's hardly texted or phoned me at all to see how i am - i feel like a last-minute thought when he does eventually get round to it and he hasn't told me he misses me or loves me :-(Before we went home for the holidays i also felt i was being taken for granted... like he hardly ever spent the night in my room anymore, prefering his own space to cuddling up together which made me feel rejected. He also became thoughtless with little degrading comments - one example is when he told me i looked a sight after stepping out the shower with my hair pulled back.The thing is i don't think he realises how he hurts me in this way - I'm quite sensitive as it is and i've tried to tell him this. I've also tried to tell him i'd like him to communicate more with me but he hasn't taken this on board.Am i wasting my time on someone who's causing me more pain than happiness? My self esteem is so low, i feel like my boyfriend has become a security blanket. I'm worried about going back in january because if i decide to break up with him it'll cause tension in the flat and i might lose the other flatmates' friendship :-(Any advice?
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male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (25 December 2006):
 Hey there honey bun, he has been treating you badly and no one should stand for that... If he's fallen out of love with you or whatever reason it may be, you need to get to the bottom of HIS problem, cos it is hurting you in a way that isn't fair (do you see where I'm coming from?) your self-esteem is suffering and hence your feelings of neglect. My gf or should I say my ex was doing the same thing and I couldn't stand for it any longer, so I'm also having a rough Christmas.
I think he's afraid that he's going to have to move out of the flat. And I also think you shouldn't be unnecessarily worried about tension in the rest of the flat.
Just by the way I don't think he was being sarcastic when you were climbing out of the shower with your hair tied back - it's quite sexy actually.
I hope everything works out for you sweety, and that if you have break up with him, rather do it sooner than later - cos your self-esteem is worth more than that and so are you. Merry Christmas.
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