A
male
age
51-59,
*ovesick123
writes:I'm in a situation that is tearing me apart. I've fallen in love with a friend of 5 years. During our friendship, she was there for me and helped me deal with my divorce 3 years ago. It was very traumatic. I didn't even realize how close we were becoming. In the past year, she's been confiding in me about her marriage. She has told him over the last 7 years how she wanted to be closer with him and what she believed their problems were. To no avail, he's scoffed at her attempts. As of late, however, we've discovered a strong attraction between the two of us. We've not had any physical contact, but have voiced to one another that we could not see the forest because of the trees. She's told him that she wants a divorce and that she just does not want to be married to him anymore.I guess I'm having problems with my role in this. However, she constantly stresses to me that I am not the cause of this break up. I guess my question is, do I hang on and hope for the best or do I try to move on and try to get her out of my mind. I'm not sure I can do that, but guess I should try until she's available.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Personally I think the best thing to do is to tell her you are there for her as a friend but you do not want to get completely involved in the middle of everything whilst her marriage is in this transitional stage of before the divorce.
Be a friend by all means but leave it at that right now. Things could be very confusing for her and you at the moment. She was a friend to you during your divorce and until she is a free woman so to speak you really don't want to be the one whose name goes down on her divorce papers as being the third party in all of this.
Personally I think that she should suggest a session of couple counselling or mediation with her husband so that things remain as amicable as possible and at least she is looking like she is attempting to resolve the problems before it gets into court. There seems to be no love lost between her and her husband and yes in your shoes I would worry that I was the person who she was leaning on in more than a friendship manner but keeping your distance at arms length is only protecting yourself and more importantly protecting her from her husband using this relationship of yours to attack her and get at her in court.
Are there children involved her?
They are the innocent parties in all of this if there are some and they are who need to be protected from the mud slinging at any cost.
Just don't let the husband see texts or emails from you to her, keep your contact to a minimum or even face to face and even then if he suspects anything remain as just friends for now as he could go to all sorts of lengths to try and prove something deeper between you as a couple.
It really does depend on your friend's husband right now, if he realises what he is losing he will do his utmost to try and save his marriage, it may already be too late but they need to try to see if there is anything to save without outside intervention. If however, the love is gone then let the divorce proceed and keep a healthy distance.
I am not saying what forever but keep yourself on a level that you date other women but bear in mind it may not be serious if you hope that you are going to eventually get together with your friend once she is free, don't however mislead your friend let her know that you are purely potecting her from harms way in a court room.
BFN
Country Woman
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