A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am fed up that I am the only one im my group of friends that has not been laid yet. Does anyone have any tips on how to have a one night stand or find girls that are willing to do it with me? Its sad and pathetic at my age that I have not kissed yet and im tired of it.
View related questions:
one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Well, part of being a teenager is being so self centered that you think others are always focusing on you, so you get worked up over what others think of you being a virgin.
Just realize that your feelings are not facts, they are not reality, they are just feelings and they pass.
Use the gray matter between your ears that God gave you and think before you act. Know that when you are a little older and more mature, you will wonder why you threw away something so precious on a one night stand. Someday when you have a great girlfriend that you love you will appreciate that you waited. Sex is just physical release, sex with someone you love is so much more, it is spiritual and an expression of love and is exquisite release from pain....
A
female
reader, SHANIKA  +, writes (20 July 2009):
if you want to find a girl who likes you and fancies you enough to eventually sleep with you here are some tips:.be clean and presentable at all times and if you smoke,give up-no over gelled hair,yellow teeth,stinky breath-personally,I find it a turn on if a man has neat irnoned clothes..be polite-always say please and thankyou and don't worry about looking cool-decent girls don't care how cool or rich you are as long as you are kind and respectful.never, ever brag about the girl to your friends if she lets you do something with her-if she finds out,she will dump you and to be talked about by a boy behind our back really hurts,trust me.don't pressure her to sleep with you or to do other stuff-women are not out to trap you or cheat you out of sex-if you don't mention sex,if she likes you and she develops trust and a bond with you she will offer when she feels ready-if you keep knagging you may find the girl just does it cos she feels pushed into it.We girls just have to feel comfortable with someone before we share something so intimate,thats all As far as a one night stand is concearned-unless you absolutly cannot bear holding on-which I doubt ,please don't do it-sex is so much better with someone you have strong feelings for-but if you must,use one of the websites where people join to find a quick shag-if you go to a nightclub,you may get some,but the girl may assume you want a relationship with her-yes it's silly and naive if you shag someone from a club but some people are very lonely-if you tell a girl you want a relationship with her to get sex or don't ask to be sure she dosen't expect this,she will feel extremely hurt the next day-for girls sex is intimate and it is painful and traumatic to sleep with someone you don't know-especially if you find out they don't like you afterwards-the only reason girls who want a boyfriend do this is lonlyness or desparation,so make sure. You are not sad and pathetic-I've come accross many 16,17 year old virgins,so don't worry-most girls will find it a plus that you haven't shagged around-whatever you do good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing I really don't get is why I get worked up about these things, then I let it cool, then to me it does not matter for the moment, then I get anxious over it again, I hate being a teenager with feelings like this :(
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): That is really sad, I am 50 and I have not been with that many people in 5 decades. I don't believe you, that is having one every night practically, that is disgusting and MORONIC.
If I have to tell you why, then I am sorry, you are a MORON
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut people in my area have had more then 200-500+ one night stands, I feel as if im missing out big time. To tell you the truth at my age I should have busted that number clean open, I feel like a moron for not doing so.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I didn't lose it until I was 27, and I couldn't believe my luck, but I'd done it for the wrong reason - the opportunity was there, but I didn't know the woman or even find her attractive.She was a few years older and came on to me.
So anyway, if anyone had told me when I was your age that sex could be bad, I would have laughed, but I have to say it was a complete disaster and I really regretted it, especially when she bought me a meal in a restaurant afterwards, which made me feel as if I'd been paid for services rendered.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): You say it is sad and pathetic that at your age you have not kissed anyone yet. Your age says 16-17. But you make it sound as if you are about 80!
Really, relax. There is no rush. It is true what other's here have said, it is not a contest to have sex. Or at least, it shouldn't be. Maybe you are worried that you will never find anyone? You said you feel desperate for love. But sleeping with a random girl, just to be able to say that you did it, won't take that feeling away. In fact, it might make that feeling worse.
It could possibly be something that will pass with a bit more time. I went through something very similar when I was younger, and it did pass. I think a lot of young people feel desperate to be in a relationship, and convince themselves that if they don't find someone NOW, they never will and will be alone forever. I do think it is a part of being young, and you are certainly not alone in how you feel.
But it is your comment about feeling desperate for love that keeps niggling at me. Do you not feel loved at all? By anyone? What about your parents, friends, etc? Being in a relationship is only one type of love. If you are single, it doesn't automatically make you loveless and alone. Maybe you are feeling unsupported by people in your life, and you are trying to get that love and affection from a relationship, or by sleeping with someone.
But if that is the case, then really the best way to overcome it is to try and work on the relationships you do have. Whatever isn't working can be improved. And the better you feel about yourself, the easier your relationships, current and future ones, will be. x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I'll tell you what, bud -- what's sad and pathetic is that you're letting your friends set your pace. Some of them, maybe all of them, are telling stories that just ain't so. And *even* if all of them have been laid, well, if they've just been laid, you ain't missing much.
I'll tell you that I thought the same way when I was 16 -- that virginity was some sort of curse. I'd have done anything to have it be gone.
I was seriously in love with a girl at the time, but she was a *good* girl, so while we did a lot, I never managed to get her *there*. And then one night I was with someone else, and a lot of alcohol was involved, and it happened. And I can tell you that, 30 years later, I'm still sorry and ashamed that that was how it happened.
The next few years brought me together with quite a few girls who were willing. Those were some good times, and I'm glad of them. Chill, man -- it'll happen. Don't rush it. Virginity isn't a curse, whatever your 'friends' tell you. With the right girl, at the right time, it can be damned fine. Otherwise, it can be something you'll be ashamed of forever. Why go there?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow come I always feel sad, and desperate for love? I worry about it every second im alive.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): You are not sad and pathetic. It isn't a contest to lose your virginity, not even for guys. It will happen when the time is right for you. I hope it happens with a girl you really, really like and know well and that doesn't happen just every day. Your friends sound like a bunch of tools if they are giving you a hard time about it....they probably are lying any way.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): I hadn't kissed anyone when I was your age either! And I know a lot of guys who were still virgins at age 20, some at 25. They just don't talk about it with guys, they talk themselves up instead, thinking all their mates are more experienced. Right now I'm dating a 22 year old guy and I'm pretty sure he's a virgin - it doesn't bother me at all! I say start out with kissing a girl you like and take it from there. My first kiss was with a guy I didn't know too well, and I think it would've been nicer if it was someone I cared about :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Georgia13 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 it not pathetic
try going somewhere where nobody will no u hang out with drunk girls
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Well first of all its nothing to be ashamed of. You shouldnt feel left out. Your first time should be with someone you really care about not just a quickie. Find the special person who your not gonna regret losing it to.
good luckk! :]
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Dont beat urself up over it..i kno guys who havent kissed a girl yet or had sex..If girls have a problem with the fact ur still a virgin thats just a bit shallow inless theres a specific reason..
if ur looking for a one night stand id say go to bars or places where chicks come easy and no questions are asked
good luck
...............................
|
