A
female
age
41-50,
*ulyduchess
writes:i started dating my boyfriend right after high school.he cheated on me with a girl named "tam". we broke up. seven years ago, we got back together. moved in together and had a son 2 years later. my son is now 5. last year, i found out that he was secretly keeping in touch with her. that was an argument. i have lost trust til this day. he got his number changed. not sure if the emails have stopped. 4 days ago, i found out that he is secretly keeping in touch with a friend from the town where he used to live. she instant messaged him. i am sure that i wasn't supposed to find that out. the thing is, he never goes anywhere. takes his cell phone to the next room to talk. now, sometimes, he claims that he doesn't know the number. i am sure he get text messages. my frustration is: he kept both a secret, never apologized and told me that he never mentioned it because he knew how i would react. i advised to him, since he knew how i would react, then why continue to do it in the first place. he never answered. instead, he patronized me and flipped the script to being mad at me. he is the type a man that tell you what you want to hear at that moment so that he don't have to suffer the consequences. my heart is telling me that he is putting his selfish needs first. i don't trust him. if he asks me to marry him, the answer is no. to this day, i am not fully holding conversation with him. if it has nothing to do with our son, i am mad as a person can be. my heart hurts. my mind is stressed. my question is, am i overreacting? any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Apart from the complication of having a child, I can say "been there, done that"
And the answer is that you're not overreacting, you've done nothing wrong and you deserve better. If you can get out of this relationship, then do it for the sake of yourself and your child.
As they say, trust is like virginity - you can only lose it once and never get it back
You will never trust him 100% again, and this will eat away at you forever unless you make a move - it took me four years to work up the courage to do that, and I wish I had done it sooner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): He has lied and betrayed your trust.You have reacted like anybody would. It would be foolish to take anything he says as the whole truth. What you do is your choice but more often than not,the relationship is never the same. He will feel suffocated through a lack of trust in which he created.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): your not overreacting
U have a right to be pissed and upset!
if hes being defensive he must have something to hide.and if hes hiding things from u, hes not worth a minute of ur time!..sure u had a kid with him but that doesnt mean u have to settle for disrespect and risk being lied too
its ur decison if u want to try and give him a chance to prove that he isnt cheating or to leave his butt and find someone new
the choice is urs
good luck
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A
female
reader, hopeful82 +, writes (16 July 2009):
Wow, that is really hard. I have been there, too. My ex husband did that to an old girlfriend of his, and they constantly kept in touch. She even went as far as to getting me and my ex into a fight over why I was not answering the phone fast enough when she called my house. He would hide, and answer the phone, and when he went to see his family, he would see her. It was very very painful. If I were you, and it hurts you so bad that you feel like you can't take it anymore, then I would not stay. You deserve better than to have someone do that to you. Especially if you can not trust him. It's almost impossible to trust him after you have lost that part of your relationship.
For once, it is your turn to be selfish, and protect yourself from someone like that. I wish you all the best.
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