A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So here goes...My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years. We are both 25. I have my own house. My boyfriend still lives at home with his mother. All his siblings have moved out into their own homes. His father died about 3 years ago so my boyfriend's mother gets quite lonely and relies on my boyfriend alot. For example, when he is at my house she always rings him to see when he is coming home, and she is quite possessive over him. She has expressed quite a few times over the years that she would be upset when her sons move out and calls them her "babies." I have wanted me and my boyfriend to move in together for a year now. I asked him to move in last year and suggested he could move in that October, he agreed and said and he would break the news to his mother. But then when October came his older brother decided to move out. My boyfriend then said he would have to put off moving in with me because he didn't want to upset his mum by having two of her sons moving out at the same time and leaving her by herself. He also said he was worried how she would cope financially. I was hurt but agreed to leave it for a while and he said he would move in in a few months around April time (now.) Well now the months have passed and everytime i ask him what date he's moving in he just said he's not sure. I ask him if he's going to tell his mother he's moving out and he says he will but will find it hard cos he doesn't want to hurt her feelings! I understand he wants to take care of his mother and worries about her, but she has a job and my house is only 5 minutes down the road so its not like he will be living miles away, she could see him whenever she wants. I'm just so frustrated. Sometimes i wonder whether my boyfriend is hiding behind his mother so he can use that as an excuse not to commit to me. I really want to settle down and get married and have children, but my boyfriend wont even move in with me. What should i do? I don't want to break up because i love him but then i think how much longer can i wait around for him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Yeah. I dont think its because he doesn't want to move forward with you. It's traumatic losing a parent. In part he wants to be there for his mother and maybe he is afraid of losing her too and that's what's keeping him there. After the loss of their father, he and his mom bonded the most and that is probably why she relies on him so much. I agree he needs better coping strategies to move forward. But this is a fragile topic and a fragile time for him so I wouldn't be angered or show contempt. But he probably needs guidance and could probably use a therapist to talk to to help him cope with the emotions he has that are affecting some parts of his personal life.I think that's the best thing you can do. Try to be sensitive but also suggest a therapist for him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): This is not likely to subside. I would be very careful of sons who are overly attached to their moms. I have a similar issue with my fiance and it is annoying and disruptive to say the least. The situation has been covered in countless conversations but a resolution was never found. Depending upon the level of "dependency/closeness" they have with each other, you can be very straightforward in conversations yet they will never truly acknowledge and change the situation. Don't get me wrong, each person can be as attached or detached as they like. All I'm saying is if it bothers you, address it very clearly and openly. Then watch his actions very closely for a couple months. If you are happy with what you see, pursue it. If not......
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (3 April 2013):
 Have you thought about proposting to this guy that you and he get married????
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