A
female
age
26-29,
*X_Kitty_Xx
writes:Hello agony aunts! I've never really opened up about this particular thing to anyone in fear of people judging me. Basically, I want to stay in a relationship but at the same time I really don't. I've been with my partner since I was 15 and we've been going for nearly 2 years now. We live together in a flat and have been for about 8 months. We're very serious and he is my first love. I've been in relationships before but this is something completely different. I love him to pieces and he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. However, I feel like I haven't experienced being young and having a proper teenage life due to the fact I've been with him from such a young age. I want to be able to go out drinking and partying and experience all of the stuff you should in your teenage years to get it all out of my system. In short - I want the freedom of being single but I don't want to leave him as I love him. What doesn't help is the fact he's 3 years older than me (I'm 17 and he's 20) and so he's experienced a lot of what I want to experience already. When he tells me stories about when he was out partying and stuff, I find myself getting extremely jealous because I've never experienced anything like that before. I'm just so torn. I don't want to leave him because I love him to pieces but I really want the freedom of being single.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): Any reason why you can't go out "partying" when in a relationship? Plenty of people do. Or do you just mean experiencing sex with other people?
If it's just clubbing and drinking and waking up with a hangover then these things are not closed to people who are in relationships.
And at 20 I hardly think your boyfriend will have grown up so much that he himself will never want to do these things again.
If your boyfriend is forbidding you from living the typical young person's lifestyle - then he's probably controlling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): I think you should break up because this unofficial marriage is not fair to either of you when you're still in that child-to-adult stage.
I think you should go out and do as you wish, but safely. You are young enough to do whatever you want with your life, but with few responsibilities, don't throw it away on a childhood love, when you're very much likely to love again, but in a more "adult way", once you are grown up (in years) yourself.
Have fun being a single teenager, but stay safe while doing so.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Kitty,
There are two ways the advice for you could go. One would be to tell you that you are too young to be in the almost married relationship that you are in (BTW so is he) you are both 10 years from the average first marriage age in your country. That is pretty pointless because you obviously feel perfectly comfortable in your current status.
Except, you have this itch to go out and do the kinds of stupid things that you feel you will regret not doing, We could tell you that you will regret doing them. That would also be pointless, because you have already convinced yourself that you deserve the chance to poison yourself and risk a few social diseases and spend a night or two at a police station.
You have spent the last two years telling everyone how mature you are, and now that you are 17, you want to be immature.
While I am sure it is not the advice you want. I think you should both break up (because you are so conflicted about your desires and goals) and be cautious about exploring your freedom. I would advise you in your exploration stage to get to know more people. Having only one relationship before marriage is not such a great idea. I'm not really talking about sexual relationships, I mean friendships. My advice is to use your freedom period to get to know different people and explore cultures and ideas. Not so much to explore every vice.
I do hope you do not find my advice offensive.
FA
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