A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for 4 years, we have 2 young children together. I don't even know where to start, but I feel so broken and withdrawn since our last argument. We don't fight all the time, but when we do he says the most hurtful things. He is ALWAYS right in his mind and talks to me like a child, talks to me like an idiot and acts as if he is superior to me. In our last argument, it started as nothing, I was stressed about an upcoming trip I am taking to see my family with our daughters ( flying with 2 kids under 2) and he instantly started calling me an idiot and brain dead and he said all of this in front of our 2 yr old, I never resort to name calling when we fight, he doesn't help with our kids, he thinks working M-F and paying bills makes him a father and everything else is on me. I want this to work, I do love him and he is the father of my children, but deep down I don't know if he will change. It's like a cycle, him name calling, apologizes, things are good for a few months, then the name calling starts again. I just feel so withdrawn and unsure now, and not sure if I should stay in hopes things will change? I can't take the constant criticism and awful name calling and put downs, I fee like it is destroying me. Just wanted outside views and opinions Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Well at some point you are going to have to "woman up" and tell him :"HERE! and no further" This is not acceptable to me and if it keeps up, I'm done, leaving.
Whether you believe it or not YOU are in charge of how people treat you. If you LET people walk all over you, they are going to do just that.
I don't see him changing unless he understand what he does wrong, however, I highly doubt he can even figure out that his behavior is unacceptable... since... you are still there. Maybe you two need to consider marriage counseling.
And honestly, anyone can father a child, not all men can be a real Dad.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 This cannot go on the way it is. He calls you names in front of your young child and puts you down. Completely unacceptable, she may only be two but she can pick up on this sort of behaviour. You need to sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling. Open up to him and tell him how close you are to leaving him over this. Maybe you could both try couples therapy to try and get to the route of your problems and why he feels the need to behave like this. If he is not willing to work on it, then tell him it is over. By the sounds of it he is not a very hands on dad, and just because he puts money on the table does not make him a good father at all.
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