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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm hoping to settle this whole porn issue (though it isn't one at all) once and for all. I watch porn myself and I know my boyfriend does. But why do I get so touchy when the subject comes up? Or when I see hot women in a movie? I am attractive, I am what some guys have called "hot" - my boyfriend occasionally watches porn. I have never found anything on his computer (except a 30 sec video in the recycling bin - but who cares about that!?) He calls porn boring, never ever watches it when I'm there, even says he refuses to because I'm all he needs when I'm present. He says he does the deed 2-3 times a week and I do believe him. He says I satisfy him enough, etc etc. Basically, I should have nothing to worry about. But my low-ish self esteem is preventing me from being 100% comfortable with myself and with him watching it. I WANT to not be bothered by it, because I see how silly it is to worry about it when your boyfriend only watches it to get a 2-minute "release" when you're not there (he uses my "pictures" as visual aid sometimes too *aherm*) I'm not going to stop him from watching it but I want to be more accepting of it.Any helpful advice?? I would appreciate anything
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female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 Here's a suggestion, why not make your own video that you can share together? Surely you can accept that if it's between you and your bf, no-one else has to know it exists, you'll have a massive boost and feel sexy because of it and he'll want to watch it again and again, he'll want to watch you, not some random girl...
If it doesn't work for you or you don't like the idea then that's ok. Just something to think about.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I read some advice that helped me deal with my partner watching porn. As woman, we may like to read a good romance novel. It may have a handsome strong man who falls madly deeply in love with woman and sweeps her off her feet. We enjoy it, imagine the man sweeping us off our feet...loving us ...making love to us....blahblah... that is OUR porn... and we know it is harmless. We still love our MAN, and we don't really want to have sex with the handsome man in the story... it is just a fantasy for a short time... Porn for a man is similar.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): Chigirl, excellent.
You could also fight fire with fire.. Hunky naked men can really set mens egos on fire. If done with a great quantity of comedy, it can be a heads up.
However, it's kind of mmm. childish.
I'm with Chigirl on this one.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 You have some insecurities, and you snooping around to find.. I don't know what... on his computer only makes it worse. What are you looking for when you go look for things at his computer? Do you look for something, anything, elsewhere too? Low-self esteem will do this to you, sure. But it's nothing your boyfriend does, or doesn't do, that will make your self esteem go up or down. You are in control of that one yourself. Working to build up confidence would be a great start. But by snooping, or being suspicious, you are only feeding your insecurities and making them worse, by each time you let your insecurities "win" and let your insecurities decide what you will do.
If you let yourself be controlled by fear and insecurities and low self esteem.. then it will only get worse and worse. The effective way to stop is to stop feeding your insecurity. No more checking his computer. No checking what's in the recycling bin. No checking anything. If you see a suspicious DVD in the shelf, no checking it. Leave it. Make SECURE and CONFIDENT actions, those will help build you up. When you decide to ignore it, it will stop bothering you. You have decided you do not want to let it bother you, then remove these thoughts from your mind. Each time you think something up those lines, stop yourself, analyze why you are thinking those thoughts. And then throw the thoughts away and think something else, something positive, and replace your negative thoughts with those positive ones.
Such as "Oh no, that looks like porn, he's watching porn, I need to see what it is!", replace that thought with: "I'm hot. I don't care. I'll check out something that is actually interesting rather than search for his boring porn."
Make confident actions, think confident thoughts, and confidence will come to you.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 November 2011):
 It's not a porn issue. You don't really have strong feelings about it. This is more, as you say, a self-confidence issues. You don't like things about your body (normal for a lot of women)so therefore you assume he must feel like you do. You and your boyfriend have a very healthy attitude to porn usage. But you got to learn to love yourself more, you got to be comfortable with who you are and then you won't compare yourself with other people who are airbrushed and had surgery.
Please spend some time looking on the internet for "self-esteem" and "self-confidence" (don't pay for anything, there are plenty of good free sites) - Learn to think your great (but I must admit, that a lot of this comes with age and experience)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 It can be a hard thing to deal with no matter how much you want to accept it. Just try and stay positive about it. You no deep down it is you he wants to be with and this is just for a physical release when he cannot be with you. You know deep down it is not these girls that he wants. You just need to stay positive and keep reminding yourself of that.
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