A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and i have always had problems in the bedroom and it's getting to the point where i feel very disrespected by him and as if he has unrealistic expectations of me. I feel trapped in this relationship and anxious when left alone in a room with him because i know he wants sex all the time, none stop. So here are some of the smaller problems that kinda make up the whole. A couple of weeks ago while i was helping him get off he roled me onto my back and not knowing what he wanted i let him. Then he pearched over me and when i realised he was going to cum on my face i said "Don't you dare" but i couldn't get up because he had all his weight on me.On previous occasions i have started reatching when his stuff has got on to my chest I hate it. So basically he came on me and i told him that was discusting and why he did it when he knew i didn'tlike it and he said "Get used to it" "other girls like it" "stop making a fuss"Ever since when i've thought of the occasion i've teared up and i' not usually a crier. Also i've not wanted him near me but he's made several remarks, like for instance he was mucking about with my dog and i said stop that he dousn't want to be touched and he answered "dousn't like to be touched sounds like somebody i know". Before that we'e had problems like if i don't want him to stay in my house because i have a busy day and i can't sleep next to him because of his snoring and the fact that he's always very hot and sweaty in bed and i find it uncomfortable, he won't leave he sits there looking sad and as if i've hurt he's feelings untill i appologise to him and say stay and then he makes me say that i want him to stay. He demands sex every morning and if i don't give in he looks sad and gets withdrawn and usually i give in. This may sound as if i'm being fridgid but in previous relationships i've been anything but, the difference is he has never taken less than 45 minutes to come and once took over 3 hours ( 2 hours is the average)and i get bored and frustrated by it, he snaps at me during the middle of sex and i quickly lose any excitment i had, by the time he's hard ( well he gets hard easily but loses it after a few minutes) i'm tired from all the work, he hardly does anything for me and when he does it's so rough it hurts, the sex always hurts i've cried on an occasion simply from being so tired (it was about 3 in the moring he hadn't left and wouldn't let me sleep). I have started to try and back away from him, in the past he was affectionate and fun to be around now I just feel like a human toilet. In our day to day life he has started treating me like an idiot and undermining me. I am trying to distance myself from him ut the more i try the clingier he gets he's now taken to coming around unanounced and when i ask him to leave he say's "i'm going" but he stays for three or four hours, just repeating "i'm going" he'll try to feel me up or if i say i'm tired i'm going to bed he'll sit there waiting for me to get undressed expecting me to go to bed with him there. I feel so trapped and i'm so anxious, i don't trust him with my body, mind or heart. I want him to go away but i don't know how, he lives close by and we are in the same classes at uni and i'm afraid if i try to break up with him outright he'l get violent.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 You should still go to your classes. If he can't accept the breakup and turns violent you contact the police. You can also contact a professor at your school IF he has turned violent, and say that you fear for your security in classes. Perhaps they can arrange a solution. Go with your plan, don't stay with him just because he's intimidating you.
I know how you feel, wanting to hold out for the good in him to come back, hoping he is still that same old deep down. But he has changed. He was sweet in the beginning, now he isnt any more. And he probably never will be sweet again. Manipulators and abusers are always the sweetest most charming in the beginning until their true self show.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you a lot for your advice everyone The thing is i feel he will get violent because at times when i have done something he didn't like he said "God, I could hit you right now." It only hit me how bad things were a few weeks ago but my mind is still fighting it he used to be so sweet and caring and always there when i needed him, i don't think he realises how horrible he's being but it think he wouldn't accept it if i tried telling him either. Even though i know how bad things have gotten and how much he has used me another part of my mind keeps fighting with how lovely he can be, it's like he's two different people. He seems so normal too.
I don't have any Males in my life, my father was an abusive alcholic, i got out of that situation when i was 15, my older brother is in a mental institution because he couldn't get out and it broke him. I have been so strong in the past i'm a high school drop out i supported myself through college to get into uni, so i'm so ashamned that i've managed to find myself in such a bad situation, i feel like i can't tell people because they have this image of my being the strong one who helps other people with there problems, not gets them herself.
I am going to see a councillor today i have also called my mum up to have her pick me up in ten das after my exams finish but i am so scared about these next ten days and after that my boyfriends parents house is only twenty minutes from mine so he could still turn up. Next year we are in the same classes and i can't not go to them when i'm so close to getting my degree. I am trapped.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 I have a link for you that will help you find a way to end this relationship in a safe way for you. I too would feel threatened by this and I think you are right to worry about him becoming violent.
Here is the website and phone number. I want you to call them and get a plan formulated with them, I think they will be able to help you get out of this relationship safely.
Best of luck to you.
Womens Aid - The premier resource for domestic violence and sexual abuse against women and children in the UK. Got a massive range of support services from “safe refuges” for those most at risk to just plain old sound advice. Site is awesome but friendly and welcoming so not surprising some victims feel more reassured just visiting it.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk
0808 2000 247 (Freephone)
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Do you have a brother? Is your father in the picture? Have a male (preferably large and intimidating) on hand when you tell him to get out of your life forever. That way there's no risk of violence. This person has no place in your life, ever. If necessary speak to the police and put a restraining order in place.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): You need to say "I am breaking up with you" Then you need to say "get out of my house" after that if he says anything stupid does anything stupid. Calmly pick the phone up and dial the police.
If he ever comes near you again pick up the phone and dial the police.
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A
female
reader, lovesickk  +, writes (19 May 2010):
I would also add to this, what do you like about him?? With so many dislikes, obviously this guy is not for you!! Be free!
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 May 2010):
""Get used to it" "other girls like it" "stop making a fuss""
Then he can go get it elsewhere. Kick him to the curb.
"now I just feel like a human toilet."
I would too. You are perfectly normal. Dump him hard and fast! If he cries and looks sad then BOOHOO. Who cares. He treats you like a human toilet or his personal sex slave, that he has no respect for. If you happen to hurt his feelings wile standing up for yourself, well, that is a sacrifice I am sure you are able to make.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): If he does something to you that you say NO to, it is rape, even if you were sleeping with him. Dont let him do something you dont want. Say no straight up, and if he says your frigid, he is the 1 that cant satisfy a girl.You need to break up with him, dont be scared of his violent attitude, if he gets violent, he can be put behind bars- there is a solution for everything. I cant believe he has made you CRY during sex. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, not upsetting. Tell him that when you break up. That he upsets u during sex and thats not how its supposed to be. Tell him that he should be with someone that likes his type of sex.hope it helpsx
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