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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have had trust issues with my girlfriend ever since I found one of her emails about 9 months ago that showed she was planning to cheat on me earlier in our relationship with one of her ex'es. Ever since I confronted her about it, I have had no indication that she has strayed or was really thinking about it, but nonetheless I have had my eyes open. Since I found that Email, I discovered some other stuff (IM's and stuff) that alluded to other sexual activity she didn't tell me about, but it was before me, so I let it go. But I still feel like I am not getting the whole picture about her and some of her activities.Recently, I have discovered that she deletes posts on Facebook to exes, and I suspect she may have a secret Email account. Why? because she said she emailed a friend personal stuff about us trying to get pregnant and that we were having sex a lot. However, when she had her email account open, there was no sent or deleted email or a profile for the friend she claimed to have sent it to. So she either deleted it, or used another account. Either way, it's deceiving, and I am concerned about it. Given her past of hiding details from me, one of which was blatantly to cheat, I am worried what else she may have in this secret account. Why the damn secrets?I have called her out on a few things, like the sexual IM's and another one that alluded to her doing WebCam virtual sex. But these were before me, so I felt a bit bad...so I am reluctant to keep pinning her to the wall for fear of it being nothing and then I'm the asshole for being so untrusting. But at the same time, I can't get to a point where I totally trust her because of her past behavior. How do I talk to her without making her feel prosecuted? Should I just let it go? I want to keep this relationship, but I'm really worried she's going to cheat on me down the road.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 How can you continue a relationship with no trust? You're constantly monitoring her, going back and checking her computer history and any other of her accounts you have access to. No relationship should be like that. You have the evidence, that she has already cheated or is going to do so. The question is what are you going to do with it? There's no trust and there seems to be more underlying issues between you two causing her to stray. You can't call her out on those sexual messages that happened before you two got together. That's just retroactive jealousy on your part. Either confront her, and discuss the problems you guys have and how to fix them. Possibly couples counseling if you really care that much about her. Or your other option in which I think is the best one, is to break up with her. Due to the fact, you shouldn't have to keep on snooping through your girlfriend's accounts.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2010):
Man, you're being treated like a doormat. She already had emails that you know said she was going to cheat. Now she's deleting posts from those ex's and it looks like she's got an email account. Admittedly you have no control over the things that happened before you were there, but this woman was thinking about cheating with her ex [assuming she didn't] and is now hiding things.
Talk to her? Let it go? No - dump her. She WILL cheat if she already hasn't. Now it comes down to whether you want to play doormat to a woman who obviously doesn't care about you, or whether you'd do better dumping her and finding someone else. It doesn't matter what you say - she WILL do it and WILL continue like this.
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