A
female
age
,
*ucycat
writes:I have been married for two years and was blindsided by a problem that he has: his sister. She was very friendly before the engagement and wanted to be my best friend. My husband and she are very close. They talk every day on the phone, lived together when they were in their 20's and have taken vacations together up until he met me. He was married briefly before he met me and she died in a car accident. His sister told me that she couldn't stand her although my husband said they were close. On the day of our wedding, she lashed out at quite a few of my friends and family. She went to the pastor and asked her not to carry through with the wedding. She told several of my husbands friends that he shouldn't be marrying me. My husband didn't see any of this. It was done very covertly. Since the wedding the sister and I do not speak. However, my husband continues his close relationship with her. It bothers me a lot. He is very protective of her and says that I am making too big of deal of it. She continues to be flirtatious to him, eats off his plate at meals, and calls him at midnight on NY Eve. I feel like I married the two of them. Other than this problem, my husband is a dream. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2012): Hi lucycat, I am extremely close with both my brother and sister, call either one or the other most days, or chat over facebook, or maybe text a funny photo.. etc. I spend most holidays with them and enjoy travelling together, even though I have a partner of 5 years - he considers them his best friends too. We simply get along and have the same interests. (Note: if my boyfriend asked for time specifically with me, like a holiday, I would of course do it and be glad to. I spend most of my alone time with him) But me and my siblings would never ever act like what you are describing here. She has huge attachment issues and is clearly violently jealous. It could be more than a friendly attachment too, you never know. She is in the wrong and you are in the right, but you need to make your husband understand that any behaviour that diminishes your relationship with him is not ok, and by the sounds of it is completely unfounded. He needs to make the change. And yes the sister may need some help, even just counselling. One more thing to consider, the sister may be going through menopause and is quite emotionally sensitive and moody, so this could be exacerbating her already jealous feelings and attachment issues.
A
female
reader, Lucycat +, writes (30 September 2012):
Lucycat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the suggestions! Good questions! Yes, the sister has been married for 30 years. Her husband is a nice guy but she definitely wears the pants in the family! She has the reputation of "the little general" to friends and family alike. I agree that she is mentally unstable.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Can you invite the marriage celebrant to speak to you and your husband as a form of couples therapy and lay it all out in the open about how his sister tried to stop the relationship?
Does the sister have a partner of her own now?
Unplug the phone when ever you want time with your husband. Go for a rural retreat holiday where there is not phone access.
Your sister in law sound very manipulating and dominating.
Perhaps your husband is seeking to distance himself from his sister by marrying?
Well it is sure NOT working.
I agree that something is not quite right about the sister's relationship - implied or actual - in the past.
I think the sister is unstable. So beware of her. I think the sister has an Obsession with her brother.
Keep the communication channels fully open between you and your husband.
Let your husband know he can tell it like it is and you will listen.
Try to hold off on any judgemental look, word, implied comment, until your husband has been able to trust you enough to confide truthfully in you.
If something untoward did happen in the past then your husband then lots of counselling will be required.
However I am leaning towards the suggestion that your sister and law is unstable and needs to be assessed by a Doctor.
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A
male
reader, Diligence +, writes (29 September 2012):
 I suggest you find out if he knows about her "covertness." Especially at the wedding. That seems pretty important to me. If he's just shaking his head and going "oh shucks, it's just my sister," then this will continue for a very long time. Tell her to go find her own guy! Why isn't she dating someone else? Why isn't she married to someone else? Calling someone at midnight on New Year's Eve is more for an intimate couple than a brother and sister, not to mention eating off each others plates! When the lived together did they do something they shouldn't have and she still feels that intimacy? If that were the case, it's a very bad situation. Of course you'll never know the truth of something like that. No one tells on themselves when they do something they shouldn't. Brothers and sisters can be close, but not intimate close!All in all, she sounds like a troublemaker... for you anyway. If you can't have YOUR own husband then there's something wrong with him, not to mention her too.Sorry to be so harsh, but I've seen this weirdness before in others I knew in the past. I just hope I'm wrong...
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A
female
reader, Lucycat +, writes (29 September 2012):
Lucycat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy son writes for a well known television series. Maybe I will suggest it to him! :-)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2012):
 This sounds like the roots of a TV "reality" series....
Title: "I'm not sure who is my hubby's wife: Me or his sister"
You should make a fortune on the royalties from it.....
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A
female
reader, Lucycat +, writes (29 September 2012):
Lucycat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe parents divorced when they were in elementary school. They went to live with the father who remarried two more times. When the sister got married, she asked my husband to walk her down the aisle and the father became irrate because he wasn't asked. He died a two years later. My husband and his sister are in their 50' now, one year apart.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2012):
 the sister sounds a bit mentally unstable... where are their parents?
i fear that you will have to risk losing your marriage over this one... because I would not tolerate a spouse putting a sister before me 24/7... once in a while during a crisis sure but she's trying to split you guys up.... even if she does not realize it.
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