A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, me and my boyfriend are sexually active. We have been for a couple of months now but the thing is everytime after sex, I feel just really dirty. I mean like disgusted with myself. I'm 19 and he's 20 and I don't get. He's the sweetest guy I've ever dated and my first time was with him. I don't know if there's something wrong with me?Does this happen to anyone else? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Whimsey +, writes (30 November 2010):
I understand the feeling, and I've worked really hard to come to terms with negative feelings I have after sex. I am in a 2 year long committed relationship and I still experience feelings of dirtiness or shame after sex. In my case I know it's a mix of things, like my first sexual experience being coercive and bordering rape. Also things in our society can make us women feel badly about ourselves for even having sex with someone we love, with words like whore and slut being used so lightly. Maybe parent's morals and religion brings guilt? I don't know just some ideas to think about. If you love him and feel comfortable having sex, you should talk about the feelings you experience afterwards and see if he can help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): You should go and talk to someone (like a professional).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): I'm a little younger than you, 18, but I felt like that too for a while with my first boyfriend. It was something new and I was, too, disgusted with myself - with my performance, my body, and other stuff...also, don't forget sex isn't a clean act so maybe THAT's why you feel dirty as well, I know I did...I felt the need to shower everytime, before and after...It's easier for guys because some just fall asleep, but we need to be clean.
You shouldn't feel dirty - you only had one partner - that makes you neither promiscuous nor dirty. Just relax. Let him be the sweet guy he is and trust him and his motives. It's normal to feel like this for a while for the first couple of months and I'm sure it will subside as you gain more experience.
=)
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