A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:??My dads sister is 15 years older than me (there’s a huge age gap between them) and she’s always considered me being like a younger sister and treated me as so. I have no siblings so when I was younger, I like the thought of her being my “big sister” and not my aunt. Over the years however, I’ve seen a nasty side to her - she’s never anything “bad” to me, however it’s little nasty actions that have really started to bother me and I no longer want to be subjected to her. It was my birthday recently and we went out a few days before shopping to find me a dress for my party - I found one that I fell in love with but I couldn’t afford it so I bought a cheaper dress. The night of my party my aunt wore the dress I couldn’t afford! I was shocked to see her in it and she acted dumb saying she didn’t realize it was the same dress- she lied! She saw the dress on me and admired it! When she got married I was her maid of honor and she treated me poorly- bossing me around and being demanding- I let it go as I know being a bride is stressful but she did some pretty petty things.For example the day of her hen night I had booked us both in to have our hair and nails done before her hen party- once she realized I was getting my hair and nails too she got funny with me telling me “it was her night, not mine”- I found it rude especially as I was paying for us both.The night before her wedding we were staying overnight in a hotel- along with some other family members and guests. She insisted we shared a room so I could be on hand to help her. We also planned that we would both do face and hair masks etc to relax but on the actual night she wanted to read her book and take a bath and didn’t want me to do any self pampering as I would “disturb” her - in the end I used another family member’s room to do my stuff. The morning of the wedding she insisted I had my hair and make up done first and she would be done last- which was fine. I got up early to shower and she told me I couldn’t use the bathroom as she needed to shower and sort herself out. So once again I had to use another family’s bathroom to shower. She kept trying to rush the hairdresser and make up artist whilst they were working on me and I ended up looking a mess and I was literally at her beck and call all day. Various other petty things have happened too. The problem is, is that our family is very close knitted, we do everything together and we all literally live around 15 minutes away from each other in a small town. I’ve mentioned this to my parents but they think the sun shines out of her bottom so they don’t really see how she is. I currently live at home but am saving to move out and distance myself from her and her pettiness but I’m a few years away from being able to do that.In the meantime how can I tactfully avoid her- she doesn’t have many friends of her own so she always tries to hang out with me - I can’t just be honest with her as she will cause more drama. Once I did confront her about something and it made things so awkward for everyone and nothing was resolved, I ended up looking like the bad guy so I learnt my lesson. Also I don’t want to upset the rest of my family as everyone else gets on so well with her and they all sing her praises. Thank you in advice for any advice x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2023): The mean-girl tactics of your aunt are typical of toxic-females who are jealous of younger and/or prettier females.
You now know it is best not to plan anything with or for her; because she is likely to sabotage the event to hurt your feelings or to vex you in some way. As for your parents not believing you, try secretly taking video or recording the things she says and does. These are the days of instant proof and live evidence. I wouldn't make it a habit; but just once in awhile let them see how much sunshile glows out of her bum. Why would they trust her over their own daughter?
It's not necessary to slander or rat on your aunt, or trash her in anyway; but now you know her intentions toward you are meanspirited and underhanded. You're right to avoid someone like that; because she does these evil little stunts behind everyone's back. Now you see her true colors. Things were fine when you were kids; but now you're a budding young-woman. How did that dress you picked-out look on a lady pushing 40?
You're old enough now to call her out for her stunts; but it's even better to continue avoiding her. Don't schedule things you know she can sabotage; and always have a witness handy to collaborate your story to your parents, if and when you offer special favors, or setup costly appointments like spas or salons.
I think by now you know better than to offer her pricey things; because she'll find a way to spoil it. She secretly resents you now; and it's best to stay out of her way. Things are no longer the way they used to be, and it's best to love her from a distance.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 April 2023):
 Oh, your aunt is jealous of you...
Why do I think that? The whole "dress thing" She saw how good that dress looked at you and when you shouldn't afford it - SHE got it.
But that also means no more going shopping with her. She lost that "privilege".
All the wedding drama - just let it go. Don't sweat it. There is no point. Some women turn into total cows when they become brides. Your aunt is one of those. That is no skin off your nose. That is just reality.
As to wanting to spend less time with her, BE busy. Focus on your school, work, and friends, and if she asks to hang out tell her oh sorry I have other plans and then get off the phone asap.
When you have family gatherings be sweet and polite but try and spend time with other family members too.
You can't "drop" her as a family member -but you CAN limit how much time you are willing to spend with her.
Also if you are in your mid 20's she is almost 40?! Why on Earth should you feel obligated to hang out with her? You need to have your own life, friends etc.
"I currently live at home but am saving to move out and distance myself from her and her pettiness but I’m a few years away from being able to do that."
THAT is your main focus, OP Work hard, be a good friend to your ACTUAL friends, be kind, and be "too busy" for her. And time will pass faster than you think.
She is who she is and no matter what, SHE isn't going to change. Accept that. And LEARN how to limit the amount of time you spend with her. If she texts and wanna hang out, don't reply right away. YOU are not at her beck and call. Even if she WAS your sister, the same would be true.
She probably has a bit of a "golden child" syndrome.
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