A
female
age
30-35,
*x-lilmiss-xx
writes:Hi Cupids,Really need your help. Last night i found out that my boyfriend of 1 yr 2 months has been speaking to my female friend, he told her that he's been having 'thoughts' about her, and that he was waiting for a kiss off her. I'm fully aware he hasnt actually done anything with her, however, my heart still feels broken. More so because i found out he said those things to her on Wednesday 13th Oct which was my 20week scan and we'd found out were having a baby girl. I really feel as though he's betrayed me, the current action that ive taken is ive confronted him about it and he's admitted it was true. He did say those things. As much as im crushed by the situation, i dont know wether to stick around for the sake of our baby. He has said he'll never do it again but i feel like i cant trust him anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, i really dont know which way to turn.Thanks, Jo
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Dear xx-lilmiss-xx;
Thank you for taking the time to clarify your situation. MY FIRST response to your question was because the ' POSTING stated YOU were between 13-15, nowhere did you state in that question you were 17, working, had been on the pill, or that your boyfriend was 21.
We can ONLY ever answer questions on what information is PROVIDED within the question, and my answer GIVEN was based upon you being 13-15, which of course would be slightly different had I known, but IF you look at your original question, you will note ' Age and content ' is as I describe.
So , I still feel very much the same with regards to you having a baby so young, but understanding that you are working, and already talking about your baby, referring to her being a little girl - I can SEE how more emotionally mature you are than initially thought. And you obviously want this baby too..wanting to build a home etc for her, which is commendable. You do however say, you were on the pill at the time you fell pregnant, so either you forgot to take one when you should, or you are extremely fertile, in which case condoms should have been used too.
The NEXT issue you didn't mention in your original posting, was " he's not showing any care in the world, yet my world revolves around my baby and setting up a secure home so she can have a roof over her head."
You just said he had shown interest in a friend, had said he would like a kiss off her - NOT that he wasn't showing any care towards you. Sadly, at 21, he is probably NOT as ready as you for the this next chapter in life (YET) and that is always WHY I encourage those NOT to become pregnant with a boyfriend. A boyfriend is just that, a boyfriend, they are NOT LIFE partners or HUSBANDS..which is why we date, to find out IF we want to move the relationship to the next stage, but that is NOT having a baby together UNTIL that has already been discussed, you know your boyfriend is 100% behind you and you are already in the process of getting engaged or married. During the stages of the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, both parties have the perfect right to fall out of love, change their mind, and move on to someone else. And I wonder IF you may have seen some of this coming with your boyfriend, perhaps him losing interest when you established you were pregnant.
Even people who are married sometimes change their mind - it is part of life..and I'm afraid as much as you want to set up home, and everything revolves around your baby, if he is NOT ready for this, and as I say at 21, he may not see you as his last ever partner for life. SORRY, this is not meant to be harsh, but REAL, and IF you are soon to be a Mother, you would do well to FIRST deal with what YOU and YOUR BABY needs, than this young man. If he's showing interest NOW at such early stages of your pregnancy in OTHER females, my fear for you, he will not be around when you need him.
Men never stay with a woman because she's pregnant, and IF he does, you can be sure at some time in the VERY near future it will break down. Just PLEASE concentrate on your self and ensure you get ALL the help you NEED and DESERVE.
Take care.
Jilly
A
male
reader, iamnoone  +, writes (21 October 2010):
i agree with Jilly.im a doctor.so can tell you a few facts.though medical science has advanced one should not go into pregnancy until 18-19.cause puberty can start as early as 8-9yrs but the reproductive system does not becomes mature enough to carry the heavy load only by then.yes,the pregnancy can continue but will have serious implications.do you know there can be preterm labour or you may need a caesarean section if pregnancy continues.anyway you should inform your parents if they dont know it yet.best of luck.
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A
female
reader, xx-lilmiss-xx +, writes (21 October 2010):
xx-lilmiss-xx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Can i just mention Jill, I'm not 15, I'm 17 and he is 21. I was on the pill at the time so yes i was on a form of contraception.. and no im not one of the people who scrounge off benefits, i have a stable job. I know its not a fairy tale, never said it was, im just concerened at how with him being 21 (a mature adult) he's not showing any care in the world, yet my world revolves around my baby and setting up a secure home so she can have a roof over her head.
Thankyou for your answer though
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Whoa...whoa..whoa...You are 13-15 and pregnant by a boy, albeit 1 year 2 months, as though this perfectly natural and normal.
I understand this is not your question,but as responsible adult I would NOT being responsible if I did not approach this. ONE you are under age, and TWO you're are talking about this pregnancy and baby as though YOU and THIS BOY should be setting up home like some ' FAIRY TALE' this is NOT a FAIRY TALE!
If you are going to be mature enough to have this baby, then you will have to be mature enough for those who can, and WILL SEE the bigger picture here and question this situation a 13-15 year old girl finds herself in. You seem MORE concerned about your boyfriend 'flirting with one of your friends' than the situation YOU find yourself in, as though being pregnant is less of a concern.
The FACT is here - and YES I'm going to be direct, is that your boyfriend is TOO young to become a father and live happy ever after - and that is it NORMAL for him to be flirtatious and curious at HIS AGE, which I presume is near your age. I realize that the depth at which you feel for him now, is all consuming, and yes at any age one can fall-in-love, and YES girls of your age can become pregnant, and want those babies, and want to set up home with their boyfriend, but this is NOT right for YOU or YOUR boyfriend let alone a baby. You are both still under age,bot far TOO YOUNG to be responsible for the task ahead of another human being.
What has your parents said, do they know, have you discussed this with your boyfriend, health professionals???
I understand you cannot bolt the stable door once the horse has bolted - but what did you do to PREVENT a pregnancy, or didn't you use anything - YES, the questions are important, because if they are not addressed now, what after you've had this baby. I am astounded at the amount of young girls who become pregnant and think it is ok to have babies at such a tender age, apart from the fact, of WHO is going to be financially supporting this decision. And NO, depending on the state/benefits is NOT acceptable, and if you think it is, then that only proves you are NOT mature enough to be considering having a baby.
It's vital you seek some advice if you are going to have this baby, you will need a lot of support in everyway, and as for your boyfriend, you need to talk to him about all that this could mean. I doubt he's even at work to help support this financially..nevertheless you still need to talk to him and perhaps his parents.
We live in a society where teenage pregnancies NEED NOT happen as much as they do - this is NOT through a lack of knowing the facts of life, nor through, NOT having SEX EDUCATION at school, or being able to obtain condoms, merely DOWN to the fact young girls, or boys don't look at becoming pregnant any big deal OUTSIDE a committed relationship where they are NOT OLD ENOUGH to be responsible if a pregnancy does occur.
I urge you to think about all this, and as much as you love this boy, realistically he is unlikely to be with you in five years time, it's just not likely, sorry..so you must PLEASE seek some advice to help you.
Jilly
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A
female
reader, hotnhorny +, writes (21 October 2010):
 First of all congratulations on your pregnancy hope things are going ok with you and the baby.
I completly agree with you on the basis that you cannot trust him, I wouldnt either. It is never right to stay with someone just for the sake of a child as this is unfair to both you and the child. Fair enough every man has 'thoughts' about other women but its something that should be kept to themselves if they are in a relationship unless your relationship is the type that you can share those things etc. Ideally if he is being like that when you are pregnant then he isnt goin to be much support to you when the baby is born when this is suposed to be a time that he is completly devoted to you and it doesnt sound like he is.
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