A
female
age
30-35,
*uake
writes:hello(: im 16 and i just have a few questions about fathers.to start off with, my father left me when i was born and i have only seen him once when i was about 5 and since then have spoken a word to him.sometimes i feel like he completly ruied my life. i feel like iv had so many relationship problems because of him. for example..when i was 15 i got into a very physical(still completly virgin, thank god) relationship because i think i wanted that attention from a male because i dont get it at home. and in the past..6 months iv dated 3 guys and that is a lot for me. i tend to like the attention and fall for a guy pretty easily, when they call me beautiful or show me affection, and i cant help it! its like, every guy that shows intrust. iv also noticed that i tend to hang around only guys. (i dont want you to get the wrong picture here because i am not a slut at all.) i cant help it, i just connect and make friends with guys so much easier. the problem with that is, they always end up liking me and thats not what i want! its the opposite, i just want to be friends!!i dont know what to do anymore. right now i have completly stoped dating but i am not going to lie, i still think about guys and how i want to be with them and how i feel lonly without one, but i know that isnt what is good for me.what do i do? how do i know if i actually like a guy and i dont just want attention to fill the void?what are some other affects that a father leaving there daughter can do?ps. i am a very respectable girl and i have a wonderful mother that has raised me perfectly and i love her to death. the only problem is my father. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): Dear Luake,
I wasn't going to answer your post, I don't have a great advice to give you. I've been in your shoes... I've been through the exact same thing when I was your age. Forget about your father... he's not done you any good. You are encharged of your life, you are responsible for your happiness. The overcoming of that damage has to come from you.
You should also focus on your mother. She's the one who's been always by your side. Try and talk to her 'bout what your feeling.
I've done some pretty stupid things with guys that gave me the attention I needed (and didn't want to commit). But that was actually good, 'cause learned a lot. I met all kinds of guys and being decieved and hurt made me stronger.
Today, I have a wonderful boyfriend that understands me and helps me when I'm down. The advice here is to stop looking. Stop looking for attention and wait. When you least expect, you'll find someone loving and caring that will make you feel whole again.
I've also had lots of best guy friends! they were great company, but when i lost my first friend because he had feelings for me, i changed my aproach. Every time a friend started being to intimate, like bf intimate, i told him to back off and forget about it. I don't know if that would work with you, but i've managed to keep 2 best guy friends and they both admited liking me before.
Even though I felt lonely, I kept it to my self, and tryed to live my life, day by day, being grateful for the people in my life. For a long time, and that was a major part of my healing process, I pretended I had never had a father, and that i was the one who should end my lonelyness.
You should give it some time... Time heals almost everthing! I'm almost 10 years older than you, and I'm doing great.
I hope that in 10 years time you'll be doing great too.
xoxo
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 January 2010):
The effect of a daughter having either no father or a bad father is that you will misunderstand men and their actions, and you will look for attention (as you have been doing). As Aunty BimBim says, the first thing you need to do is accept he's not there, no matter how hard. You're doing the right thing not dating at the moment, because more than anything you just need to talk to guys, get to know them and how they think. And I also agree that you should tell your mum how you feel, because she'll be able to help. Take your time over guys and watch them and listen to them.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 Okay, my daughter's father left when she was four, and as far as his fathering skills go, he sux big time.
The first thing you need to do is accept that your father isnt very good at the job of fathering. Whatever you need from your father you are not going to get. Accept that.
Now to what appears to be your raging hormones. Boys your age also have raging hormones. Some people's hormones are more pushy than other peoples. This is not dependant on weather people have fathers or not. Its just a part of growing up.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your mother, and that she is a good woman. I think its time you attempted a girly girly chat with her, let her know how you are feeling and what your worries about your lack of a father are. She might be able to dispell some of your fears for you
good luck with it all
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