A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, OK so some background: My boyfriends 28 year old sister "X" lives at her parent's house after losing her house about a year ago. She lives there with her four year old daughter. she has spent the last 12 yrs going to communitity college to finally qualifiy for an AS in something she doesnt want. She doesnt know what she wants to do as a career. She doesnt work. Her days generally start about 12pm because she is aawake on facebook all night. Her daughter is usually watched by my bf or at home with dad. when she finally does wake up she gets in the shower with her daughter "j" out of laziness. then she gets her daughter some frozen food because she doesnt cook. j plays around the house while her mother gets ready for an hour or two. finally the mother puts her to sleep for a few hours...sometimes. after she wakes up she is kind of everyones responsibility. around 10 she is put to bed if her mother remembers(normally if her daughter isnt bugging her, she doesnt) This little girl is never taken out, never socialized. when ive told her to ask her mother for food she says, " no my mommys asleep". the mother doesnt pay for anything, clean or help out. her husband lives at his parents house as he cant afford to pay for all their bills alone and she wont work. he pays for everything for her as they are still married. he moved out when he got some liquid courage on his birthday and told her off on how she is a bad mother, selfish and ungrateful.Now for my question: This past sunday was J's birthday party. Thursday she got sick. SHe came running out of the room crying that night grabbed me and pulled me into her room. Her face was red, she was wheezing, and had a congested cough she didnt have before. She was crying and saying she couldnt breathe, that it hurt. the mom came in and gave her an allergy pill. this helped calm her down and put her to sleep, but didnt get rid of the wheezing. before falling asleep she crawled onto my lap. when her mom went to reach out for her, her 4 yr old daughter told her to just go away. When I asked her mom what was wrong she said it had happend since she was a baby every night before she got sick. She said she took J to a doctor who said it could be allergies, But she had never taken her during an attack. Because she had no insurance for her duaghter, she wasnt going to go now. The next day J was sick with cold like symtoms with a fever and a nasty cough. my boyfriend suggested that she let the parents coming to the party the next day know J was sick. X got all upset saying kids were always sick nd no one cared. her mother got involved and completely defended her. when X felt she was being attacked as a mother over not taking her daughter to the doctors she said kids are always sick and you dont take them to the doctors everytime. that she didnt need to let anyone that J was sick. J was sick. The mother defended her. After spending three days getting the house ready for his nieces bday party while her mother sat around my bf was done with it. I want opinions on the status of this womans motherhood. And do you think parents should have been notified about J's sickness, even if it was just a cold, she had a fever two days before possibly the day before and a bad cough. yet this little girl was allowed to be swimming until 9 pm that night while having so much congestion she was losing her voice. And any advice on how to approach the parents? Its a continuous problem in the house.My bf tries to help out by cleaning while his mother is at work for 9 hours and no one else in the house will. but the second he stops cleaning stuff piles up he is the first to receive the why isnt this done comments. X has three cats and two dogs living in this house that she doesnt buy food for let alone feed every night. I think my Boyfriend needs a new approach on trying to make things more equal until he can move out.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 August 2012):
 From what you describe it's neglect of the child pure and simple and yes, CPS might not do anything. They on the other hand might get the "mother" to get her act together.
Neglect is a form of abuse. And it's not like CPS is going to storm the house and take the child, but they will inspect the living conditions and perhaps even interview the "mother", grandparents and the child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie,
His family doesn't belong to a church or anything. Her not doing anything is the families issue, I just feel bad for my bf. And his mom changes her stories. One minute she is telling my bf that the reason he is the only one being asked to do stuff if because his sister wont. Other times she says that her daughter would help out if she were asked, the mother just doesnt ask. the mother is in her 50s and is working 50-60 hrs a week. Her husband works from home but doesnt help out much. and the sister is daddys little angel. I think her family is in denial. My main concern is this little girl. Doesnt there need to be some sort of abuse to call CPS? Shes not abusive shes just a bad mother. A four year old should not be climbing on stools to get a drink for herself because her mother is in bed. Thanks for the help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2012):
How horrible. Maybe your BF can consider contacting CPS. I know it seems harsh, but if the mother and grandmother think this is RIGHT to treat the poor kid like this, they are very off.
Does his family belong to a church? If so many he can ask for help through the church. His sister could use some parenting classes.
As far as what YOU can do, not much other then support your BF.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (9 August 2012):
 The best thing that you can do for your boyfriend, is to love and support him. Don't go making any judgements about his family, or how they could be doing things better. Families can get very defensive when non-family start to try and give advice, and you will find that it will more than likely backfire on you. Let them work things out, I'm sure the little girl will survive. It is good that you care, and if in the future you have children, I'm sure you'll make a great mother.
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