A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My family won't let the past go. I got pregnant at 18 and moved back home. I moved back because I failed out first semester. I was really let down and depressed at how mean everyone was to me and couldn't get out of bed. I found out people I thought were friends just made fun of me all the time and my then boyfriend wouldn't let me stop having sex with him after I told him I hated it. My family said I wasted money and I'd better redeam myself. They were mad because they got mailed the forms from my counselor since I accidentally put their address without thinking. So they knew I'd had sex, drank alcohol before and tried pot. That was not why I failed out!I didn't know I was pregnant until I moved home. I took forever to get to take the test because my family members wouldn't leave my side and I didn't want them to know.They found out anyway because I left my high school sister alone with my eight year old brother so I could go the store across the street. I bought pop and a test. She told on me and my parents tore up my room and went through all the trash looking for alcohol bottles and refused to believe I didn't buy or steal any. They got mad about the test too. I wasn't even old enough to buy alcohol and I'm still not.I got welfare, a grant for community college and was signing up for my own place. Then I lost the baby. I was sick and cramping really bad and no one wanted to hear it. I took a hot bath and that's when it happened. They did take me to the hospital but they kept telling the staff it was all those drugs I did. Staff figured out nothing was in my system. I was 22 weeks along then. They had to kick my mother out of the room.I live on my own now but I get Foodstamps and disability for depression and seizures so I do need rides from them. And they all come over whenever and they've tried every thing from calling the landlord to the disability people to tell them I'm a danger to myself alone. They keep bringing up drugs and even got me up for suspicion with welfare.My dad keeps saying they want me back home and I'm causing stress since they don't know what I'm up to and what if I have a seizure? My mom won't stop bringing up the pregnancy. I've gained weight and she insists I look pregnant until she has me in tears. She's brought it up every time I talk to a guy and she keeps asking if I feel dirty. Or whenever I'm happy she tells me how disgusted she is and asks why I still think so highly of myself.My sister 18 now keeps talking about how embarrassing it is and now I need to swallow my pride and move back home.The problem is I do need them but I need my space too
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): You know you really do not need them..not for rides or anything.You are on disabity..contact your caseworker..you can get free rides anywhere because of your disability.You can move somewhere and not tell them where you live.You are over 18....what do you think people who are disabled do when they have no family?Get some consuling to learn how to get on with your life without being dependent on anyone but yourself.Maybe they want you to live with them for your monthly check? It sounds like they do more harm to you than good.As for opening your mail..that I'd crime report them..the way they treat you they kind of deserve that.If they tell everyone you are on drugs and you are not go to legal aid and Sue them for slander.It is OK to cut toxic people out of your life..you might discover you are not as depressed if you do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2016): You did what a LOT of college students did, dabbled in the party scene, experimented with sex, and failed out. I honestly believe you couldn't function due to depression and counseling was a SMART thing to do. It was unfortunate that your parents received and opened your mail. However, I would have too because I want to know what I'm paying for - even with an adult child. As a matter of fact, opening my college students' mail saved my son's life and my daughter's GPA. This was because my son went to a hospital for strep and came back with medicine he didn't know he was allergic to. My daughter was failing three classes but was able to audit two of them and drop down to a remedial class. We visited once a month and required phone calls each night to make sure they were sober and in their dorms where they belonged. This is NOT victim blaming, it is safety! They resented me for it but now they thank me. I wish you'd known your rights enough to call camp security on him, to audit your classes, etc. Maybe if depression, which was NOT your fault, was so severe, a community college would have been best.As for your seizures, I can see why your parents are worried about you being alone too much. IS it safe for you? You are an adult, play the part of an adult and speak to your disability caseworker. Do you have a guardian at litum who is NOT emotionally involved? A payee who is not involved emotionally? That would go a LONG way in giving you more space and privacy.I don't know why your parents won't let the past go, maybe they're hurt and disappointed and feel betrayed. Maybe they feel with your past decisions that you're vulnerable to rape or other things. No, I don't believe drugs were why you miscarried, it could have been any reason! You can't change their shaming, but have you ASKED what you can do to redeem yourself in their eyes? Are you in counseling now? Maybe they're seeing behaviors that could lead to you getting used again. What kind of people do you associate with? Do they drink or smoke pot? Are you too welcoming of people in your home before you get to know them? A counselor will help you figure this out.Good luck and God Bless.
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