A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i am typing this because i simply dont know how to handle this situation anymore and i have no-one else to talk to. This question is about my girlfriend having issues with her family, but let me lay down some background info to help you better understand. When i was 15 my parents divorced, i found out my mom had been cheating on my dad and vice versa, so my mom left and i stayed with my dad in the house where i had lived for all of my life, for no other reason except i didnt want things to change, well to no suprise my dad could not afford to keep the house so we had to move. Like a normal adolecent boy, i was completely shellshocked, my life had completely been turned upside down. I hated my mom for leaving. But eventually my dads drinking became such a problem that he began abusing me and i had to move, again with my mom. By that time she had already married, to my dad's best friend. At that time i was so screwed up that it didnt even phase me, as it did later on. During that time i was about 16 or 17, when i met my girlfriend. We overcame lots of problems, she helped me escape my home life, and i basically changed everything about me in order to make her mine. It worked, and we fell in love. However that summer my step-dad was making us move closer to his work, about an hour away from where i was going to school andd where my girlfriend was, like all the other problems we overcame this one too, i got a job, saved money, got a car, and drove to see her. This is about where her life began to fall apart.. During that following school year her grandmother became diagosed with cancer and passed away, shortly after that, her father also passed due to cancer.. I was in the hospital her when he passed. I was there for her family hand and foot 24/7, in fact my family relationship started fading due to me spending so much time with her. Needless to say this hurt her inceridbly bad, and if it couldn't get any worse, her grandfather passed about a month after. The time from then to now seems like a blur, i honestly cant remember anything but deppression and anger, frustration and hopelessness. In order to tell the next part i will need to tell you a little background info about my girlfriends childhood, when she was growing up her mother treated her very poorly, always put her down and said things like "why cant you be as good as i am", therefore she grew very close to her father. And he loved her very much. He was her best friend and accepted and loved her for everything that she was. So needeless to say she had been hurting severly. In the past year her mom decided so move away with her sister and rent the property, well my girlfriend didnt want to leave so she stayed and pays rent. Well shortly before leaving she invited her "friend", Frank over to help get the house for renting. Very soon it became obvious what their relationship was about. Her mom would get drunk and call him honey, and flirt with him continuously. So when she moved my girlfriend was so hurt by this, and the fact that it hadnt even been 2 years since her husbands death that she was already dating someone else. My girlfriend recently called me and told me her mom called and told her basically that she was fucking up her life, and that she was dissapointing her grandmother, grandfather, and her father with the way she was acting so distant and that she had grieved too much and that she needed to move with them and then told her than she was wasting her life being with me. Let me just say that i graduated this year and i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now, and have been there through hell and back. So this extremely upset her, she kept telling me things like, "how can she just move one so quickly? She hasnt even bought a gravestone for my dad and its been two years and shes already sleeping with another man." I tried my best to comfort her but the truth is i honestly dont know what to do anymore.. Should i just leave her since i can no longer help her? Or should i have her move away with me so she could get away from those things? I just dont know.. I can't take these things much longer it just builds up in me and makes me so angry at everything. Sometimes i just have to wonder why this had to happen to me, its like my mind just refuses to think about these things anymore and i can never thing of a single thing to say to my girlfriend. I guess i just really need people to give their opinions on this.. What do you think will help my girlfriend? And what do i need to do for her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (19 May 2011):
Oh, that's a lot to bear for people as young as you both are. You have been through hell and back. I don't think you should leave her. You really care about her and if you think you are ready to live together then go for it. Even if you are out of words of encouragement you can always hug her, be there for her and listen.
You are both very strong. That's really admirable. Best wishes and lots of light for you both.
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