A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you deal with family members' indifference? I can't tell if I'm being too sensitive or not. It feels like members of my family don't care about me. At what point do you give up? I visit them at their houses, yet none of them have ever gone to mine. I always contact them to see how they are doing. I can't remember a time that they initiated contact. I go to any event I'm invited to. If I didn't initiate contact I don't think I'd ever hear from them. I'm going through some medical issues and they haven't asked me about it at all. I told them early on what was happening but they never ask about my life when I talk to them. At what point do you just give up? Should I just quietly stop talking to them? Keep trying? In my family we have been taught not to say what we feel/think so confronting them isn't really something I feel I can do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 July 2016):
 It is a horrible feeling to think that your family does not care about you, are you talking about your parents? Siblings? Or is it extended family? Maybe they just take your visits for granted, next time you visit, tell them you would love it if they would come to your house to visit. I mean I visit my parents in there home, I would never think it odd that they do not come to my home very often.
If it is extended family maybe they are just not interested in keeping in close contact? If it is your immediate family then yes it is hurtful that they do not call you as well, again it could be that they are being lazy and have falling in to the routine that you are going to call them.
You have told them you are sick at the moment, depending on the nature maybe they don't want to ask in case you feel they are being nosy. If you need to talk to them about your health I am sure they are willing to listen, some people just don't like asking, I know that I hate asking people how they got on at hospital appointments ect because it is there business but I am always there to listen and give advice.
You say you have been brought up not being able to say how you feel, so maybe this is why your family are so distant, I think you should try and bring up the subject with them. It really is not healthy bottling up your feelings, in your family if that is what everyone does then maybe that is why everyone is so distant. Its sad to say that not all families are close.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2016): Your family sounds a lot like mine. Before I had my own daughter I was the one going to visit my Aunt and Unless, Cousins ect. Since I had my own I don't really have the time to uproot and go visiting all the time. Life takes over, kids, partners, work ect. Not a case I don't care but life is busy. Before settling down myself I used to say what you did. Now I gave my own immediate family I understand life is busy. I can guarantee they are pleased too see you, and if they didn't even get a phone call they would be worried. I think it makes parties, Birthdays & Christmas more special seeing everyone after a while. Speak to them but don't accuse them, just say, hey you fancy ccoming over for dinner or drinks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2016): My advice would be only do things because you want to not because you expect something back. I think thats making you unhappy because you feel you are owed the same effort back.
If you want to talk about your health or your life you might be as well to just speak about them without being prompted. Its also possible that they didnt want to pry into your health if it was a serious or private matter.
Other than that all i can say is that if they just dont want to make the effort you cant make them do or feel the things you want them to. If it makes you happy to keep in contact with your family keep doing it. If you arent getting anything from it maybe ease off a little or adjust your expectations.
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