A
male
age
30-35,
*iko bellec
writes:ok, i'm 19 and my cousin just turned 18. since the day i hit puberty and started noticing girls, i have been in love with her. i'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same about me. to me, she's the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. it's not that i want to have sex with her (though it would be kinda nice), i just want her to be mine. i want her to be my girlfriend or something. i know she wont go for it because i'm pretty sure she doesn't go for the incest thing. i know incest is wrong, but i really do care about her. what do i do? i cant just tell her out 'n out. she might tell my uncle and he's a pretty big scary lookin guy. my family looks down on incestuous relationships. i personally think its fine, though the genetics of the children will be messed up... but thats not the point. the point is, is that i know i can make her happy but u cannot tell her im in love with her. this has been eating me alive since i was 14. i dont know what to do
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (13 June 2010):
 I think youve got the right idea holding off on the sexual side of the relationship for a little while. I am glad you're both happy :) but that is one step further into the taboo, and while thats exciting, if its found out and your family are unprepared for the news it will provoke a profoundly more serious reaction than if you are just found to be dating. Equally I'm sure you don't want to look back on this with regret, so don't rush into things you havent thought out - if it doesnt feel right, dont just do it because its exciting! Wait until everything feels right. :)
Incest is a taboo in our society, but so long as you're not hurting anyone I don't see the problem. As you say the only real issue with potential to hurt someone else comes with having kids, but I doubt thats something youre worrying about yet! Something of more immediate concern is probably how to let your family know? Have you thought about how to approach them about your relationship? They will have to know at some point, if you guys carry on being together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): Honestly, 'incestuous' love is not my department. I can only really offer common sense advice to basically open the topic of discussion. She is clearly on the same page as you. So first thing is first, tell her that not only this relationship is to be hush hush with family and friends but there should ALWAYS been OPEN COMMUNICATION and HONESTY between the two of you. Because all you have are the two of you now to go through this relationship with- considering all the taboo attachments that wouldnt go over so well with the outside world with acknowledging your relationship.
The subject of sex should be determined between the both of you. Decide together your boundries, level of trust, milestones you wish to achieve, the direction youd like to see this relationship go in, and most importantly how long you would like to wait until having sex. Be it a set time, whenever the moment takes you, etc etc. Tell her it is not only up to you, but it is up to her as well. She will feel very much so that the relationship is a RELATIONSHIP where both parties have a say.
So basically, tell her what you just said to me. You enjoy the taboo of your relationship but be sure to let her know that is not all and not the main reason of your enjoyment of her in your life this new way. If you want to wait to have sex, let her know- it shows respect. But she might want to have sex sooner than you think, WHO KNOWS! You will figure it out together.
I am sorry if i couldnt answer your question any better... as I said, it isn't really my department to say. But I think you guys will be fine. Just consider the emotional aspect of things, especially once you do get to that point- be sure your prepared for it.
Also, I don't think your a 'freak'. Love happens. Sometimes with relatives. Good luck. Please follow up again so I know how it goes. =)
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A
male
reader, niko bellec +, writes (13 June 2010):
niko bellec is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok. so i did what the anon reader said to do, it worked. my cousin and i have been dating for about two days now, and couldn't be happier. she felt the same as me, and today, she brought up the question of sex. to be clearer, "when do you think we are gonna... ya know... fool around with each other?" i was kind of shocked at this. now im faced with a new dilemma. sexual incest. i know im going to wait on having sex with her but what should i tell her? i mean, i thoroughly enjoy the taboo of our relationship. and i love her with all my heart, but i cant sleep with her. not yet anyways. any ideas? advice? something? (not comments calling me a freak or perv! i already know i am for being in love with and dating my own first cousin)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): Okay many would not condone for this but here is a suggestion to go about it.
Find an article on the web about an incestious couple. Or simply bring up a fake story you read some where on a search engine home page about it. Guage her reaction. Say something like "Woah, that would be like you and me getting together. Only difference is it wouldn't be about sex, I'd actually treat you better than some of those guys you get with." Sort of mocking her past history of men and seeding the idea of you as being better. But now your opening the topic for discussion if she is open enough to it. You could ask her "Hmm. It is an interesting though. What would you think of that? Hypothetically, and this stays between us! I promise." So she knows that convo is person to you and her only. See where it goes. Don't confess your love for her since you were 14! Just take this conversation one step at a time and see how it unfolds. Then plan your next move unless it is clear she wants no part of that subject, youll need to move on!
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A
female
reader, jones15 +, writes (11 June 2010):
 woooooooooohhhhh stay away from tha whole situation!
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