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*elia_giggles
writes: I have been dated this 25 year old man for more than four years and seven months. We are two every different people. He and his family are very old fashioned Mexicans. He was born here but mostly raised in Mexico. I am 22 years old I was born and raised in California. My family has adapted to the American life style…in some ways. He has never been the romantic type that I want him to be. I know that at the beginning of our relationship he had no money, but he still managed to give me something for our special occasions. He is now a full time mechanic and he makes pretty good money, but lately there have been several special occasions (my birthday, anniversary, Valentines Day and Christmas) were I received nothing. I understand that he is trying to save money for my engagement ring and our wedding (that’s what he says), but he could have at least given me a simple card that says I love you.I also understand that his family is important to him as my family is important to me, but his life seems to revolve around them and not me!! I believe it is okay for family to come first, but there needs to come a time were I should be first and I think the time is now since we have discussed marriage. He is always doing favors for them and because of that there have been many times were I do not see him until late at night or not at all. I have told him on several occasions that his family takes advantage of his good nature. He agrees with me, but does nothing to correct the situation.He is also always late…like on our one year anniversary he was three hours late and did not call. He does this to me all the time were he tells me that he will be at my house at a curtain time, but does not call. He shows up late or I call him as I am getting ready for bed and I ask him “what happened” his answer is almost always “I was helping my family” or (my favorite) “I don’t know”…How hard is it to pick up the phone to let me know that he will be late or is not coming over!! I have discussed with him how I feel about this, but it seems to come in through one ear and come out the other.During our relationship there have been times where he goes to Mexico for one to four weeks at a time. I do not mind that he goes, but what does bother me is that he does not call…not even to tell me that he made it over there okay and that he is still alive. One time he was suppose to be gone for one week, but he did not come back until two weeks later. He did not call me to let me know that he was staying another week. He says that at his grandmothers house there is no phone and that is believable, but I am sure there must be a phone somewhere near him where he can call me!! I am not trying to take away from the good man that he is. Even through these problems we still have many wonderful memories. We get alone great and have lots of fun. I consider him my best friend and I trust him with my life. He says he loves me and he has never given me a reason to suspect that he is unfaithful. Our “fights” consist of discussing in a calm voice our problems… although it does not seem to help these problems. We have never broken up or taken a “break”. He has never disrespected me by raising his hand or by calling me a bad name. My family adores him, especially my nephew and he does not like to see me cry. I know that he will make a great father some day, but I don’t know whether the bad out weighs the good? I keep telling myself that he will change for me some day, but I know that he is who he is and I can not change him no matter how hard I try (believe me I’ve tried). I also want to mention that he is my first boyfriend… I sometimes don’t know whether it is true love or it’s just because I have been with him for so long that I am afraid of change. PLEASE!!! I want your opinions. I want to know if we should take a break, call it quits before this relationship gets any further or am I over reacting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): I am Mike 35 and English and i have a Mexican girlfriend, and i fully understand your problem, My girlfriend has never given me any time and always puts her friends and family first. It's so frustrating the feeling of not being important in someones life. My advice is to stay with him and hope that slowly he will change
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2005): I hate to say I dont have an answer, but I dont all I can tell you is you are not alone. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and we are suppost to get married soon and I to have a problem getting attention from him over his family. Like you I understand that a persons family is important but I also agree that we as their girlfriends, or wives to be should have respect given to us. I hope that all works out well for you...
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reader, maria +, writes (1 May 2005):
You are certantly not over reacting, you seem like such a sweet girl and basically he is walking all over you.You say that he is your first boyfriend so that makes me kind of understand why you put up with this. If he respected you as much as you think then he would let you know about his whereabouts and when he is due to come home.Please, please let him go you don't deseve to be treated this way and i promise you that you will meet someone that will make you happy because lets face it he dosn't.
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