A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been in a relationship for 15 yrs. it's not a good relationship and hasn't been for at least 5 yrs or so, we are really only together out of easiness and we have an 8 yr old daughter. Other than that we sort of lead separate lives. The problem started about a yr ago when he met a man that had similar interests as him. We all got on well. He's married too and got a 10 yr old daughter. I have never been unfaithful to my partner and never even thought about another man until now. About 7 months ago while the friend (let's call him rob) was here it suddenly occurred to me that I found him very attractive. He's a very easy person to get along with and loves fun and I started thinking about him slightly different. At the same time that I starting feeling these things I noticed he was starting to look at me a bit more and smile at me a lot. It seemed he talked to me more than my partner. I brushed it off and tried to bury my feelings but it only got worse. Then we started to flirt slightly ( not that we can a lot because he doesn't come up when my partners not here). We have had a few conversations on the phone when he's phoned and my partners not here. He flirts a lot and I do too. He even got alittle jealous when I went away with my partner and daughter on holiday. Just teasing but sounded slightly jealous. When we're all together we always seem to end up side by side and he mirrors my actions. He is always teasing me and we have a blast and there's been some occasional "by accident touching". It has never been spoken about but I'm sure he likes me too. I never thought I would end up in this situation and don't want to be a home wreaker but want if I'm losing out on something really special. I think he's struggling too as he won't come to my house when my partners not here and I think it's because he knows how I feel and he feels it too and he doesn't want to be alone with me cos he's trying to be a good husband. The tention between us is unreal. So far we have managed to keep apart for how much longer, I don't know. I soo long for him and havnt felt like this ever before. He's never cheated either so I don't know if he's just enjoying the thrill of it all or he is seriously interested. I just don't know what to do, do I tell him that I am seriously interested in him and risk scaring him away or try to see if my feelings die down. I would hate to wreak our friendship but I really want more and I'm sure he does too. I know I also need to sort out my relationship with my partner first. I have no intention of cheating on my partner but just wish I could out how rob feels. If I spilt with my partner I might not see rob again so I don't know where to go fro here. Please help. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering my problem. I didn't give information on my partner. He's always been a hard man to live with but I was more in love with idea of settling down than my partner himself. It was good for a few years but he suffers with depression. I have helped him, talked to him, went to doctors appointments with him. But he's never satisfied. He starts taking tablets for his depression but then finds something wrong with them then stops again. He has done this a number of times over the years. I feel like his crutch not his equal partner and I am just tired of being more like his carer. I have been wanting to leave for a few years but knowing how unstable he is it's always stopped me. Thank you for taking time to help.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 October 2014):
 The first person you should talk to is your partner. 5 years ago something happened or you just took each other for granted. But the first 10 years was okay or good. See if he still wants to improve on the relationship. You may forget how it feels to love each other. Your partner's friend is probably feeling the same thing in his marriage but doesn't want to leave. If you keep thinking about your friend then you are just delaying that crucial and somewhat uncomfortable conversation with your partner.
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