A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ADVICE NEEDED! I have a crush on a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I. I only realised it recently since we were spending alot of time together. I am 23 years old and me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years (it will be two years next month). I am not sure if I made the right choice when I moved in with him about a year and a half ago. He is a great person, but I am always complaining because he doesn't help me around the house, in his opinion it isn't neccesary. I think our morals are way different.I have had a number of fights with him for chatting to girls way younger than him who sends him photos or this one friend he has who always flirts with him, or because he parties to much, even though I know it would take alot for him to cheat on me... But for the past month me and this friend of ours have been spending alot of time together. We can just talk about anything. He is always flirting with me and I just want to kiss him, but I know that I will feel guilty, hurt my boyfriend or maybe just going through a phase where me and my boyfriend need to sit down and talk, because it might just be a stupid crush that will fade, right?This crush now told me that we need to talk alone...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rich1402 +, writes (11 April 2013):
Hi there,Firstly im from SA too so great to chat to a local.Listen, It is clear that you are comparing your current boyfriend to his friend (your crush). It is not relevant that he is your boyfriends friend. All that is important is that you are making a comparison. The problem lies in the fact that your grounds for comparing are uneven.You are comparing your current boyfriend (all the butterflies in the stomach and excitement has faded away over time and you feel like its an effort to make it work) with the crush (its exciting and new and brings back the butterflies)You should not be making this comparison because you don't know what might happen in the future with this new fling. In addition it looks like he is the only guy in your life that is not your boyfriend. This leads me to believe that you are more attracted to the interest he is showing in you due to the lack of interest from your current boyfriend. What i would do is focus on why you have a crush on someone else. Is it the lack of love shown by your BF? Has your relationship become stagnant? Is your BF taking you for granted?Once you know what you are lacking in your current relationship, see if your BF can give these things to you. Perhaps he has simply become lazy and you need to bring this to his attention. If they are things he can change then you may simply need to re spark the relationship. If they are things he cant give you, or perhaps isn't prepared to give you then the relationship has run its course.However, if this is the case I would not simply move into the next one. You need time to evaluate, heal and become whole again as a person. If it is indeed loneliness or attention you require then I would start by looking at yourself because you are the only one that can make you happy. Yes, you can share your life and happiness with a companion but you alone are responsible for your happiness.regardsRich
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (10 April 2013):
Talk to the crush and don't do anything stupid, like kissing him. Listen to what he has to say (because the subject of this talk is probably going to be about this chemistry thing between you two) talk what you both want and how it's going to affect others, like your boyfriend.
If it turns out this friend wants to take things to the next level with you and you want that too, then you're going to have to stop him and finish the relationship with your bf and everything else that goes with it (like living together). You also have to consider the fact that if you go on with this new guy, you're going to find parts and habits of him that annoy you. That's what happens when you live together. You see your bf every day. You see everything of him, including bad days, bad moods and bad habits. You haven't seen that side of this guy yet, so consider that there may be things about him you can't stand either.
Lastly, consider if it's worth giving up this relationship to pursue another guy.
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