A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey chicks and guys,heres my original thread for some backgroundhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/so-i-met-a-girl-online-was-i.htmlso Ive since been on another date, decided to buy her a single rose because I wanted to and I wanted to let her know that I digged her. It was taken nicely, she is so hard to read. We had a great dinner at the most idylic location you could get for a date, and a window table as well. The date went well, (when I say it went well there was some good laughs and nice looks to and fro etc.) then you feel awkward towards the end of the night, what next?? I had some ideas about what to ask so as there not be too many akward moments, but she answered them too fast and there was a few quiet moments. Took her for a walk afterwards, kind of asked her if I could hold her hand and I did, it was nice, but she was tired from work. Gave her a little peck goodnight and then I go home and still don't know where I stand. Is that what dating is sometimes, not knowing what the hell the other person is thinking?So it gets the better of me and I text her when I get home asking her if she was interested in me, she says its a bit too early to tell but initial impression is yes. So I dunno what kind of answer that is, but it wasn't no right ? lol I mean, me, personally, I will be able to tell within ten minutes of meeting a girl if I want to be serious with her, but I guess girls are much different (duh, understatement of the century perhaps?)So since then Ive been texting her and spoke to her on the phone, she is away on a trip with her two kids. But she has unhidden the dating profile, which means she's probably looking around for something better and I lucked out right ? lol I dunno, of course my profile was unhidden so same can be thought of for me. I dont expect her to close or change any stuff on the site, its just a observation, funny how she unhides it while she is still away...So now we text each other each day, but she is very clinical with her texts, I might send a little "x" here and there but nothing back, I know thats a bit childish doing that but I just do it as a very small sign of affection thats all. So after two dates, still not knowing much accept what she said I guess. I dunno how to act on a next date when or if that happens, I mean I was thinking of backing off and not kissing or holding hands but I really dont know how to sense what to do or whatever. I had such a torrid full flaming love affair with my last gf that turned out to be my wife for 9 years, it was electric at the start. I am not saying I want this to be the same (well of course I do, but its completely different), Im just not sure how to approach it. I was thinking of maybe something different for a third date and ten pin bowling or the arcades or a lunch date at a vineyard for a change, just something instead of going out for dinner. She chased me on the site and now I like her, its something about her. I know her husband cheated on her when her kids were 3 or so and I am sure she is very cautious of new beginnings, but maybe she is just a serial dater. What can I say, I dont know how to date, a little shy but I can hold a conversation, she is a bit shy as well, so theres the problem!!!Any advice from you wonderful ppl would be appreciated, thanks and have a wonderful week.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): I think you should trust your gut. You should have had a very comfortable date. There should not have been any awkward moments as you describe. When someone just clicks, you engage each other in converstaion and it just flows. If there is a physical attraction, you probably know that right away as well...not always, sometimes that grows when you start to get to know someone (this skill comes with age).Try to stay away from texting too much. Don't fall into that trap. If you want to take her out again, then call her and ask her out. If you get a voice mail, then leave a specific message...I would like to know if you would like to go out to dinner with me on Saturday night to (insert restaurant name) at 7pm. Give her at least a week's notice so she can make arrangements if kids are an issue. If she accepts, then you go out again and see how it goes. If she continues to be busy or have plans or not return your phone calls, it's time to move on. Right now, she is as entitled to keep her dating profile open and to be dating different people until that one person sweeps her off her feet. It's just too early on to be there already for either of you. Give it time and do'nt close the door to dating other women either. You are not exclusive and this is not about or should not be about sex yet, so it should be fine all the way around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Perhaps you didn't read my previous response. I did suggest that you not be so desperate to find a wife.The reason being is that you will come across eager or desperate, and you may scare off your prospects. I sense the angst in your writing. You want immediate gratification. She must tell you she is serious at once!!! That's not how it works.She has children and she has to take her time dealing with men for a number of reasons. She can't be too quick to make decisions regarding her feelings; because they not only affect her, but her children as well. Your conversation is probably pushy, you throw in the question of how much she likes you, putting her on the spot.She doesn't know how much she likes you. She is wise, you will know when she knows herself. It will be when she's good and ready.Slow down. Pump the breaks and coast along for a while.You don't really know if you like her, because you are looking for a replacement wife. Someone to fill a void, anyone will do because you're lonely and tired of searching. Love doesn't come that way. It doesn't happen just because you've decided this is the moment. It may happen for you, but the relationship isn't solid unless it happens to both of you. She would be putting a lot on the line. She hardly knows you, so she doesn't know how she feels.Her answers are clinical because those are the moments you are pressuring her on how she likes you, and where she's going with this. Basically you're giving her the ultimatum;(s)hit, or get off the pot. You're rushing her.I wish you the best; but you are mature enough to know that pressuring her is going to scare her away. She may not have marriage in mind for a long time. You on the other hand would marry within a month of meeting someone, because you are on a mission. A wife and mother for your kids. You're tired of being a single father.For your own sake. Please take your time and not let your desperation make you too hasty. Jumping for the first opportunity that comes along. This lady enjoys your company because you are a nice guy. That doesn't mean she has fallen in love. That takes time. People date for a reason. It is a period of time to get together and have some fun. To establish feelings and to test the chemistry. You may go out on 10 dates, and she may not fall in love. She has much in common and you are fulfilling a need for companionship. It may never lead to marriage. That is your ultimate goal. Almost to the point of obsession.You can ignore me if you like. I've read both your posts and I know exactly what you're looking for.
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