A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is not my first broken heart. I've had worst. I just seem to not being able to let this one go. Scenario: I work in a healthcare industry as an Administrator, met an owner of a pharmacy who is 9 years older than me. He told me from the start that he has a kid, not divorce, but separated from her for a year. We hang out for 3 months, go to clubs, go to romantic dinners. Did many things a guy would normally do as if they are in a relationship . I guess I took it as he wanted a relationship after all. When we would go out to clubs I would see him flirt with other girls too... And would say what happens in club stays in the club.. It didn't use to bother me before because I didn't intend to like him a lot because he told me from the start that he didn't want a commitment. But, I saw a different side of him, a side that can actually be a boyfriend because he would actually treat me like a princess when we are alone and going to dinners, etc. in front of his friends and other girls he is different. Tonight, I spoke with him and asked him where we are heading and if he has any intention of committing to me. I just didn't want to fool around anymore and I told him that, he said he is not going to commit as of right now,,, maybe in the future, big red flag to me. Furthermore, he told me that he still see his ex because of his daughter almost every single day and he said he is not sure if he is over her. He said he doesn't know that maybe someday they would get back together and he doesn't wanna hurt me. I told him that everything was okay. That I will back off. I got myself into this situation and now I am having a hard time getting over him. I knew from the start it was a difficult situation. It's harder now because I have feelings, haven't been in a relationship or dated since 3 years ago and it's difficult. What makes it even harder is that I have to talk to him at work because I am the communicator between the facility and the pharmacy. Please I need some serious advice. How to get over this guy, I wanna know how stupid I was, anything to make this stupid feelings go away.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (31 March 2014):
Dear OP,
The situation was not "a difficult situation from the beginning". It was in fact very, very easy. You just didn't want to face the facts.
There are thousands and thousands of guys like him - who, of course, can play boyfriend for an afternoon, act all cuddly and flirty and warm sometimes.. but in the end, they only want their favorite share of a relationship, not the whole package. They want the sex, the affection they need to get by, some admiration and the occasional fantasy about being in love.. but not the commitment (to them:troubles) of a serious relationship. Faithfulness, as in giving up opportunities? Dealing with problems and another persons' needs? Spending more time together? Getting real and risking a newly broken heart? Nooo, that gets them running. They found a perfect compromise between being free and getting the comfort they need, so they won't change that deal.
If a man tells you he won't commit, please believe him. Men are more straight-forward than women. They don't say this and secretly hope a woman will change them and save them. I had to learn this the hard way, too. You are not more stupid than most women, almost every girl I know has made this experience. Just learn from it and move on. If you want to get over him, stop dating and clinging on to men for a while. Have fun with female friends, pursue a hobby you like, find out that you don't need a man to enjoy your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 March 2014):
 Walk away.
And LEARN from this. It seems to be such a common mistake women make these days. They think they can "change" a guys mind by giving sex or living them.
These guys go INTO it with the "out" already accepted. They tell you from the get go, I'm not looking for something serious, I'm not quite over my ex, I'm not exactly single.... And when the woman accept that and STILL goes ahead "dating" the guy, he just plays along - UNTIL she asks or demands commitment - then he pulls out his little... I already told you from the get go this wasn't going to be serious.
BE professional at work. Regard him as a random stranger. Don't have small talks, don't offer any private details, just be professional.
Don't beat yourself up, just recognize the red flags that you so eagerly ignored the first time, and then DO NOT repeat the same mistake.
So what? You made a bad choice... It happens. He really doesn't sound like such a great guy anyways.
You know what they say? A douche of a guy flirts with other women to make his girl jealous, a gentleman makes OTHER women jealous of his GF.
Flirting with other woman was his way of making you seem unimportant to him.
Recognize a turd of a man when you see on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): Look you took a gamble when you knew deep down it was going to go nowhere so you knew the odds were against you. Love is like a casino when you do that! I have been guilty of making the same mistakes why is it we just dont listen! because they are unavailable so we want them more.... or playing with matches and you'll get burned. See it as a learning experience, when they make it clear from the start there REALLY IS NO HOPE, sadly ive learnt the hard way too and will never put myself in this position again, we are the stupid masochists that in someway enjoy this pain and dont deep down feel that we deserve better. I am also in a situation that i work with a colleague and was sleeping with him, but now i just dont look at him and ignore him and DO NOT flirt with him. Try to just speak to him for work and THATS IT. when he asks to see you outside of work do NOT entertain the idea or you will just fall down all over again. He's not worth it believe me and you will find someone better, also think of all the loserish qualities he has thats what i do! you'll be ok ... remember he needs you more for his ego and attention, do not give him that. Good luck get on dating sites, go out with your friends and remember he is NO VALUE and its a road to hell! Xxx
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