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female
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*emima
writes: Hi there,I wrote a long time ago about being friends with my therapist. We had the agreed time apart between our professional and now private friendship so that it was 'ethical'. We have a great relationship and we really get each other as people. The only problem is that I am gay and she has only ever been with men. I am not sure whether she is in to women or not and the problem for me is that I know she knows that I am in love with her, yet I feel that she is playing games with me. One week we'll meet up and she'll be loving and warm, we'll hug and she'll kiss me; and the next time she'll be telling me where the boundaries are in our relationship. I don't think she knows what she wants but the whole situation is messing me up emotionally. I don't fall for people very often and when I do, there is no-one else. I've had these feelings pretty much since the second time I met her two and a half years ago. What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Thankyou Gwyneth for your reply - I'm pleased that I am not alone in this area, it is difficult. I believe that I can be friends with her if that is all she ever wants it to be because I love her unconditionally. I guess I just need to be upfront with her now. Thanks again for your advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Dear X,I understand your feelings because I recently found myself in a similar situation. Like you, I am a gay woman. Over the last summer, I started seeing a therapist. Whenever I met her for the first time, I knew I was all done for. She was astonishingly beautiful, incredibly intelligent, and she totally understood me. Over time, we began a flirtation that became downright erotic. After I ended our therapeutic relationship, I sent her a long letter explaining my feelings for her. She responded well to it. However, she said we would be crossing boundaries and it was unethical. She said that she cared for me and that she was attracted to me, but she could not pursue a relationship with me. It did hurt me. But, I now respect her more because she cared enough about me not to betray her professional oath. I won't lie to you. I am still very much in love with her and will probably always be on some level. I have moved on with my life now though. I wish you luck, but I would tread carefully in this area because you could get hurt very badly.Best to you,Gwyneth
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Just talk to her. By the way how long do you have to stay apart before you can date a therapist, also what country do you live in?
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A
female
reader, jemima +, writes (20 January 2007):
jemima is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is no-longer treating me, that was a year and a half ago - I no-longer need to see anyone - I saw one due to family issues. I know it's not transference because I've had such feelings before when at school and i had crushes on teachers! It is beyond all that now. We are good friends but I want her to be honest about the way she is feeling but I'm not sure how to ask her
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Falling for your therapist is actually surprisingly common. Just think.. you're having emotional problems and then someone comes along and helps you to come to terms with them. Obviously you're going to be incredibly greatful and sometimes these feelings are confused with love and sometimes they have developed into such a high level of admiration that you start to feel like you love them. Your therapist is crossing boundaries here. You can't be together while she's treating you. It's illegal on her part. I would get a new therapist and hope that the relationship stuff sorted itself out.
CD
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A
female
reader, xx-miss-cupid-xx +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Hey x
Sounds like she is unsure of what she wants. It can feel unusual for a women to get into a relationship with a member of the same sex for the first time.
Ask her: What do you want our relationship to be?
Give her some time to think. If it takes a while, don't worry. It's a new thing for her.
If she takes too long to decide, don't sit around waiting for an answer. You deserve more than that!
Good luck with her!
Cara -x-
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A
female
reader, xx-miss-cupid-xx +, writes (20 January 2007):
Hey x
Sounds like she is unsure of what she wants. It can feel unusual for a women to get into a relationship with a member of the same sex for the first time.
Ask her: What do you want our relationship to be?
Give her some time to think. If it takes a while, don't worry. It's a new thing for her.
If she takes too long to decide, don't sit around waiting for an answer. You deserve more than that!
Good luck with her!
Cara -x-
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