A
female
age
30-35,
*Charliix
writes:Hey, you have probley heard of thousands of teenage girls saying this, and you are probley tired of it by now. Yet, i think i have fallen for my maths teacher. I'm 15 and I'm a year 11 student at a school in the UK. My maths teacher is 30 (so only 15 years different) and he's just so amazing. I moved to this school in year 9, with some anxiety problems. (sometimes i find it hard to go to school due to low confidence and things) and anyway my Maths teacher is also my head of year so he has supported me since then. Only recently i have started to really fancy him (thanks to my friend who likes another teacher) she asked me in a textiles lesson which teacher i would go out with if i had to and i said him. Since then i haven't be able to stop thinking about him. I see him everyday, being my head of year and my maths teacher it's hard to avoid him. He still supports me, and i feel i can openly and honestly talk to him about things that i wouldn't tell my mum or friends. The other day i gave him a christmas/thank you present for being so supportive and he said "i would give you a hug, but you might get a bit freaked out" and i was stood there saying "no i wouldn't!" so he gave me a hug round the shoulder instead. he's just so nice!. I keep having dreams about him too. But not one's I'm in control of... if that makes sense. some dreams you control, and others your mind just goes off on one yet your still kinda awake. I have dreams like that all the time. and i had a dream that he said about the hug thing when i gave him his present and he did!!I just feel that those dreams have to mean something..... i don't usually fall for boys, i mean i fancy them yah, but i never can't stop thinking bout them like this!!! I know nothing can happen because he could lose his job, and well he wouldn't be interested in fat little old me anyway. But there's still something there. There has to be a reason for me liking him this much. I mean at first it was a little fun crush. but now it's more than that and it's driving me insane!! When I read other people question's like this, and then read people's reply's when they say "nothing can happen she/he is a teacher" i know that but i can't accept it!And heres another thing! how come when a boy fancies a female teacher, everyone's like "yah you should ask her out" or "go for it! have fun!" and then when a girl fancies a male teacher everyone's like "no stay away" or "nothing can happen" it really confuses meANYWAY......I just feel that there has to be a reason for this obsessive (more than a) crush on him. Theres always a reason for everything. okay maybe not everything. but certainly this! He always gives me cuddles round the shoulder and always talks to me... idk!! it's so confusing! (and idk means i dont know by the way)I know nothing can happen so when you reply don't remind me of that because I KNOW!..But what can i do! I can't stop thinking bout him. I get nervous and can't speak when im around him. In school, when im not with him, i want to find him, and when im with him, i want him to go away because it's too awkward. I always get nervous when people talk about him, or he's giving a talk in assembly..etcIt's got to mean something!!!!HELP!! What should I do?!thanksO and don't remind me that nothing can happen because i know..i don't love him, but i know it's defiantly more than a crush. :S
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christmas, confidence, crush, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, beautifuldisaster0317  +, writes (9 June 2010):
I found this randomly lol...but i too have had the same problem. I was soo in love with my math teacher and I still am. I have had these feelings for him for three years and since the first year i seemed to have to see him for something, whether it was class or sports. I dont know if he ever realized that im in love with him....in some ways i wish he would figure it out but other times i dont. I know i cant do anything with him but im almost out of school and we are only 13 years apart. He is married with no kids but i feel i can talk to him about anything. He was even one of the first to find out about my relationship with this boy(which i regret completly) but he was always asking me about it. ANYWAYS...i am always thinking about being out of school and thinking something will happen...but i cant stop thinking about him...he drives me crazy...and i can always get the best smile out of him which makes me very happy.
A
female
reader, IBelieveInLOVE32 +, writes (3 March 2010):
Your situation has also happened to me. What I can say is that I did really feel love for my teacher and I also knew I couldn't do anything. Thought he was transferred I still feel that way for him. I know there is no way I can act appon this feeling at the present time, I deal with it by telling myself, "I accept the fact that I love him......because I am human and I am allowed and have the right to love that person, no matter if the person loves me back or if I just can't have that person." After God and my family I keep him in my heart and mind. In doing so I am happy and sad at times. I will always remember him....Basically you have the right to love him but do not have a right to act on it. If you love him think about how your every action you take because of your love will affect him. If you really love him it would be wise to not take any action because of it. While my teacher was still at my school I was aware of how I felt and showed my appreciation by helping him with his work and that is all. Don't get him put in jail it will ruin his future and yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Well, I haven't read all the comments but I guess you don't feel much better than you did before. They are right, you should leave it alone.But I will tell you my story. Maybe it'll help you to make your move. I was in your situation too. Really, I've spent hours figuring out how it could happen and why it could happen. My teacher is even the same sex as me and she is happily married with 2 kids ! She is a very caring person, very sensitive and vigilant in her own way. She reads out of me like a book.At the beginning she really treated me the way your math teacher does. Giving the cuddles, beeing friendly and talking to you all the time. But that means NOTHING - He is just thankful for your behaviour towards him, for you beeing a good student and your appreciation for his efforts. You just confirm that he does his job correctly. He is a human beeing, too.I however was stucked. I knew that it'll never work, I'm sure you know the reasons. I was unhappy and it teared me apart. She noticed my grief then and asked me if I was okay several times. Of course I denied. I was at the stage where I tried to avoid her, to forget her. My mind told me that ignoring her is the best solution and the most wise decision. But my soul, my heart as corny as it sounds forced me to tell her. She was worrying about me, teachers are supposed to worry about their students. So I waited for the perfect time and pulled myself together. I did not tell her that I'd love her though. It might be an embarrassement for both of us, and she might end despising me. I simply told her about my 'problem' and I didnt know what to. Of course I stuttered all the way and acted like a retard but she just smiled and told me I should'nt worry. And suddenly everything was normal again.We went through a lot of ups and downs. But I am too stubborn to just let her go. I care for her, I did the dirty work. My trust touches her and we've managed to email each other to fill the 'weekend and vacation gaps' Since that she plays an immense role in my life. She is like a second mother to me, a close friend who comforts and encourages me and most of all my teacher. Of course she is beautiful and I surely was attracted to her at first but then I realized that it is so much deeper, so much more intense. We were platonic lovers. But we never cross the line, and we are always discrete and distanced in public and by twos. So our 'special bondage' as she would like to say does not harm anybody.So that's a happy ending for me. I hope you'll see clearer now.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (21 February 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the question Grrrr.. i can't cope with this anymore..
I just want them out of my head... how do you get the feelings out!..
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A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 I never said it was silly.....I went through it too...except mine lasted 3 years...so I would NEVER say its silly lol.It does get easier with time, all things do...Death, breakups, unrequieted love etc...Theres absolutly nothing you can do, except try to avoid him....But hun, you're gonna have to deal with the heart ache for a while.Good Luckxx
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (8 February 2009):
maybe you need something to take your mind off this crush. after all nothing can happen and i think you know that. maybe you should take up some sort of hobby or join a club and meet guys your own age. i'm sure there is some cute guy out there for you who is not a teacher! you need to stop thinking about the teacher and realise that you are wanting a fantasy to become true, when it never will. harsh words, but you have to realise that you will get over the teacher. after all he probably has a relationship or even a marriage. school is work to him, you are nothing but a student. not a friend or love interest, just a student. when he goes home he does not think about work or you. you mean nothing to him except that you are a pupil. that's it. try and tell yourself this over and over.
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A
female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (8 February 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow much time!!??.. The more i give it time the more stronger the feelings get!!And i don't think it's a silly obsession...
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A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows +, writes (8 February 2009):
Its pretty simple.You already said that you know nothing can happen....Then you have to try to get over him, swap math classes if you can, keep yourself distracted, avoid him!! etc....I went through one of these obsessive crushes when I was 13, the situation was completely different but in the end, if you know it cant happen, you have to get over it.It just takes time!
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (7 February 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys,havent had any posts in a whileI am really stuck!! still.. i wrote this question in december, and in now in febs its no better- in fact it's worst.. i thought it would get better with time, however i like him even more and it's gettin me down..i really don't know what to do... seriously.. no idea.I can't take my mind of it that easily- not for very long anyway..!now it's starting to get me down in school- which it didnt a couple of weeks ago.. i'm fine one min and the next it really annoys me.. and i don't really understand why it annoys me.. is it because i feel pathetic and immature? or is it because i know i can't have him? i can never have him....that is so hard to except atm...PLEASE help!!.. It's getting worst as time goes on... i tried to take people advice- give it time it will go away.. but the more time i've given it the more stronger my feelings are towards him and the harder it is to distract my self from it!!What can i do!!!!?????Please help- as i am at risk of driving myself insane!!!xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): heyy bbe im in exactley the same situation dont worry about it he is my maths teacher aswell and i asked to move down a set so i could get away from him but that didnt help it just makes me want him even more. he drives me insane my friend told him that i fanced him today (she is so annoying) and his reply was hey dw i know im irrestable and he keeps ofering me lifts home in his car i just dont ever accept because its too imbarasing.
i hope u find the answer to your problems xxx
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A
female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (7 January 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you.. that makes a lot of sense.. which has been rare in this situation :)Your a very good agony aunt.. and I will try your tactics :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): Ok.... so you don't love him and it's more then a crush??? Hmmm?? So what is it?
A fantasy???
Lust????
Low confidence could lead you to fancy a person who pays attention to you? Think that if this male teacher were a female teacher would think you were gay because she pays attention to you and shows affection and does everything this male teacher does to you now or would you think of her in as an awesome mother/sister figure.
Maybe you could switch your views on your teacher and think of him as a father figure instead. If you already have a great father think of him as a second father who you can look up too and and go to in times of need. Reading your story it soundds like your looking for an answer to solve why you feel like this and how to
1. Act on it or
2. Get rid of the feeling
But there is no answer to those questions because only time can tell. BUT there is no harm in fantasizing about the possibilities or dreaming of what if.....Just keep it real in your waking life and continue on so that you can meet that special someone.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (3 January 2009):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think i'm just stuck in a never ending circle really..... thnx anywayz
Here's one of my mates, and she's in the same situation too... read hers and comment, she really needs the advice
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/fallen-for-a-teacher.html
cheers
xcharlix
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (29 December 2008):
well hope it helps you out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): You wanted advice you've been given some. You don't like the advice, well sorry. Remember the advice was free, no thanks needed, hopefully you've been given enough information to solve your problems.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (28 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd anyway, this is no place to get bitchy, or point to blame to anyone etc..
This is supposed to be a place where you help me (if u wnt to) on my situation...
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A
female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (28 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, thank you Aunty Rach,, and DiovanlestatWhat are you talking about? If you havent got anything usefull or nice to say, don't bother
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2008): As you know there are thousands of posts from students who have fallen in love with their teacher. Aunty rach has taken the time to try to help you as best as she can. You know everything, the advice is inadequate because you know all you need to know.
Well if you spent more time on learning things, you would have the brains to know, that if you check the index or search under the terms "love with teacher", you will get tons and tons of solutions from people in the same situation as you. Your lucky Aunty Rach bothered to take the time to help you. We get hundreds of these letters on this board, that most off the aunts and uncles just ignore them. You don't want advice, well your a clever girl, you know everything, use the search button and look for answers yourself. I have already put up solutions, but I'll be damned if I waste my time and do it again for somebody who will tell me my advice has be useless... Good day.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (28 December 2008):
it's not insulting advice at all. believe me. you just need to let it go like any crush. you go through the stages of being all loved up and then it just slowly goes, unless of course you get with the person. but just let it pass and you will feel better about yourself. i don't know why you keep making out like i'm giving you bad advice, it;s just truthful advice. there is nothing you can do except let it go. you can't ignore him or change classes. just start to look at him as just a teacher. maybe try and notice the things you dont like about him. that worked for me. you will get over it eventually. and i never said you are immature because you are into him, i said it because you just come back with rude immature answers. to have a crush on a teacher or just someone you look up to is all part of growing up. everyone goes through it at some stage of their teenage years.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (27 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you griffo.. that's helpful and constructive advice, unlike Aunty Rach's insulting advice
If any one is in this situation, how do u feel? and what kinda tactics have u used to get over it..
xx
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Your not immature love can strike at any age. You just have to let it pass you by try the tricks I explained in my earlier post. Eventually it will pass.
This type of love is the equivalent of falling for someone who does not love you back like you love them in the adult world. It's really heart breaking but you have to let them go, because it can easily turn into an obsession which is very tough and difficult to break out of.
Just give it time and try to put your mind on other things.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (26 December 2008):
i know how it feels because i once had a teenage crush on a teacher. of course nothing happened because i realised that nothing ever could happen.
the reason i said that you were immature was because you are too young to realise that nothing can and will happen. like i said before you need to get over him and then you will feel happier with yourself.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (26 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow am I immature?.. you don't even know me.. Stop giving me advice.. yours is not helpful.. that's all i said.
Being in this situation does not make you immature or in need to 'grow up'
You don't even know me, so you can't make that decision...
I merely said that your advice was not helpful, and you got defensive and moody.. I'm not the one that has to grow up..
It's a common situation to be in for teenagers. You've never been in it (well you havent said) so you don't know how it feels..
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (26 December 2008):
you are obviously immature. another reason why nothing will happen. get over it and grow up!
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (26 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI already know that... Not great advice to be honest..
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (24 December 2008):
i'll say what i said before...you need to get over it. and trust me when you are older you will look back and see that it was not love, it was lust.
you are too young to understand what i mean. but for now just forget about him and move on. it may seem hard, but you have to, as nothing can happen!
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (23 December 2008):
Yes I understand... Are there any other math clases you can transfer to? If yes go to that class and get your mind off him.If not consider leaving that school and go to a new one. The new school will have new guys... c'mon isnt there one guy in your school that you like? likes you...? You need to find the sexyness in a guy around your own age... take the time to look around and have fun, it will eventually pass.thats about all you can do: Or;I bet there is one guy but you wont givem a chance... go out with the goofiest one that always checks you out, i dare you, it will be a laugh and you might just like him, even if its just as a friend he will get a kick out of it, but don't ever make fun of him. Because he'll make you laugh too to help the love for the teacher pass you by. laughter is a good cure for this. and you will make a good friend.
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female
reader, xCharliix +, writes (23 December 2008):
xCharliix is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, thanks for telling me what I already know..
How can i stop going to his classes? He's my maths teacher...?
I know the seriousness of the situtation; he could lose his job etc
and I really don't think it's a "silly schoolgirl crush"
As i explained in my original question, I feel that it is more than a crush.
it's one of those catch 22 situations really, you can't really do anything i know, and to be honest no advice can really help me. When people say you can't do anything about it, or nothing can happen. I already know that. So that's not very helpful.
If anyone's been in ths situation or is in this situation; do you feel it's more than a crush? do you feel there has to be a reason for it? tell me what you did/are doing to overcome it.. Please
thanx
x
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (22 December 2008):
Unfortunaltey theres really nothing you can do... Ive been there done that when i was 14 i loved this beautiful French teacher i fell in love with her.
If you genuily love him then maybe its best if you walk away and if you can, don't go to his classes. He can also get into alot of trouble for this is for some reason he started liking you, 99.999999% of the time if he found out he will probably be instantly transferred to another school away from you.
If you want to and its really serious id talk to the school councilor it is very private and she/he will help you do it 'today' and tell her about it he does'nt need to know and you'll want to know what to do. its okay to do this. its normal at such a young age to fall in love with a teacher.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (22 December 2008):
leave him alone!
if you tried anything or anything happened you would be expelled and he would loose his job, go to jail and never be allowed to teach.
it's simple realise that it is just a silly schoolgirl crush and that you will get over it and leave him alone. he is your teacher, not boyfriend material. you need to grow up and see that nothing can happen. stick to boys your own age.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): Hey, I'm in your situation. It's truly horrible. I hope you can just be happier - whether this teacher is invloved or not. Hang in there.
x
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