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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have decided that things like facebook and myspace are definate relationship problems...I was just on fb, and I decided to send a comment to my boyfriend, because we've not really spoken today, and I saw that he'd commented on a girl's photo. I decided that I'd have a look and see what he's been up to, and now I'm wishing I hadn't...I clicked on it, and the comment he'd left, was 'damn fine girl in a damn fine costume' because she was dressed in a sexy sailor outfit...I don't know if I should confront him about this or not, because I know who the girl is, and he's mentioned before that a few of his friends have tried desperately to get with him, but he doesn't see what the fuss is about.Also, the comment was sent about a month ago, and I don't want him to think I was snooping, it was just general curiosity really.I'm supposed to be spending the weekend with him, but I don't know if I want to after seeing that comment.I realise that it was only something on the internet, but it still hurts that he would say something like that...
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female
reader, BlacknBeautiful  +, writes (14 December 2009):
Yes facebook and myspace ruin relationships!! My boyfriend and I had so many trust issues with them females would write on his page and guys would write on mine. Since the both of uas erased them we have been fine. It worked for us!!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 December 2009):
 It's really easy to misread things on Facebook and blow things out of proportion. There was a girl on facebook constantly posting on my boyfriend's wall and commenting on his pictures about how adorable he was and things and even commented on pictures he'd posted of me! I was about to freak out, convinced some horrible girl was moving in on my boyfriend, especially since her profile was set to private and I could only see a small blurry photo. My head was about to explode and I was about to angrily confront my boyfriend when before I could mention it he started laughing about how funny it was that his 40 year old aunt was now on Facebook. It was pretty silly. I'm not sure how I'd react about your situation, it would certainly make me uncomfortable. I don't think it means anything though. I wouldn't make a huge fuss over it, though I certainly understand why it would upset you.
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A
female
reader, s.a.r.ah_  +, writes (11 December 2009):
yeah...facebook does make relationships harder sometimes.I found out my boyfriend has another gf thats pregnant and due january 9th, all on facebook. and ive also seen lots of comments ...I know how you feel, but if it was about a month ago, and there was so recent activity since then, i think you should let it go this time. It wasnt THAT bad.It couldve been worse...take it from me ...ive been there. If you see anything else later on, that you think is wrong, and if there is ANY doubt in your mind AT ALL. Do what you think is best.Listen to you intuition , its probably right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): You're making a big deal out of nothing, and no facebook and myspace don't create problems people making a big deal out of an inane compliment made weeks ago due to insecurities do.
That's all it was, a compliment. I tell my girlfriends, friends and my female friends they look great, fine, fantastic amongst many other superlatives when they have made the effort to look nice. That's the desired response from dressing like that and it makes people feel good when they're efforts are rewarded with a simple compliment, he was probably just being nice.
My girlfriend is fine with me saying these things because we're both secure in our relationship, she's even been known to smack her guy friends asses and compliment them on their firmness and such things and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
If you don't trust him then that's another issue entirely but if I saw a female friend dressed up sexy and they posted it publically on facebook then I'd compliment her and tell her she looks sexy, my girlfriend would most likely be the next person to comment on the photo saying the same thing.
Just for the record it's not snooping, what you did, the photo and his comment are both posted publically on something everyone can see so that's not snooping everyone looks at everyone elses photos and comments etc after all that is the nature of social networking. So ask him if you like, but do it in a passive curious, "not a big deal" kind of way.
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A
male
reader, Anadin  +, writes (11 December 2009):
 Facebook can do, just depends how you view it and if you can humor your partner enough to keep them happy.
facebook lets everyone see what others have written on your wall, sometimes you cant have controll over what they say really. could be from some hot chick posting on your boyfriends wall "hey i think ur cute when are we going out for a drink?" or something to that effect, she might be in another country or just saying it out of good humor, either way it will create jealousy, and we all know jealousy eats away at trust.
for example the relationship status, thats very public isnt it? some people get offended if they put themselves in a relationship and you dont, like facebook needs to be 100percently correct at any given time, when realistically that other person might not be so bothered abotu statuses on social networking sites....
in response to your problem, casually ask you man why he wrote such a comment on some girls picture? let him know you dont really appreciate it, im sure he'll understand, at the same time, try and take it with a pinch of salt :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): i honestly feel its a pretty normal comment and there's nothing to worry about. his remark wasn't so inappropriate as you think it is. he must be one of her close friends. but whatever it is, the main component in a relationship is communicating and talking out to each other. so, just to clarify it in ur head once and for all and clear the doubt, ask him casually, like in a joking-sorta way, dude! whose ____ (her name) he is sure to tell u a bit about her. if he asks why just say ur were wondering which lucky girl it is that ur boyfriend was calling "damn fine girl." ask him casually, though be sure not to heat things up.. be calm and casual all along, im sure itl be fine :)
and no, facebook doesnt necessarilly ruin relationships, its the way you look at it, you could have seen this to clear a doubt between you and your boyfriend which could probably get ul closer in terms of knowing each other- try not to generalize based on one experience :)
-zinz
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