A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this female best friend. We ar very close so close we know everything obout eachother ther is no secrets between us we tell eachother things no one else knows. We hang out every chance we get. We are so close that we have even slept together once. But im worried ahe is falling for me even though we both agreed we wouldn't develop those feelings. The reason i think she is is because here lately when we hang out she make a point to be close to me. She says that she has never had anybody make her feel beautiful and complement her the way i do she says that im the greates guy she has ever met and no one respects her like i do. And im the only guy she truly trust fully. Im am the only guy she wants touching her. I dont want to ruin what we have with falling in love but i dont want to hurt her nether what should i do
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2017): Well thanks for the advice but i found out she was just saying all that stuff just to keep me on the hook. She did not mean any of what she had said. It was all just so she could use me whenever she needed something. See i was feeling down and so i texted he that i was feeling bad and wanted to talk but i didnt hear from her for like three days and when she finaly said something back to me she said she didnt need me anymore
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): No i havent said anything to here yet. I did get a text just awile ago telling me that she is sorry she hasnt said anything to me that she had slept all day
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 Um what happened prior to her stopping the contact? Could be a number off reasons, did you come on to strong? Could she be sick?
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male
reader, Dougen444 +, writes (6 April 2017):
Well this is kinda disappointing im the one who asked this question and for two days now i havent heard anything from here she has stoped texting me i have tryed to text her and call here but nothing what does this mean
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2017): Well i will keep you all posted.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): It's being said over and over here- it sounds like you should give it a go. Go for it!
Let us know what happens, we're all hoping for you!
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Just go for it man, ask her out.
Good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): Come to think about it there has been times when we are together she acts like she wants to tell me something but dont know how and when i ask her what it is she plays it off and just says its nothing or its not important but know what it is now so next time im with her i will tell her first. This has been such an eye opener
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 April 2017):
 So it's YOU with the feelings too, and now you feel vulnerable, right??
If you have feelings for her, and she said this to you:
"she says that im the greates guy she has ever met and no one respects her like i do. And im the only guy she truly trust fully. Im am the only guy she wants touching her."
If you feel the same way, you can tell her "I feel this way too. What do you think about making it official? As in, more than friends?"
She may be at home thinking the EXACT same thing you are - that if she comes out and reveals feelings, that you'll reject her. You're thinking the same thing now. But No Girl who says THAT to you doesn't have feelings for you, unless she's a sociopath. I don't think she is.
I think in this case, she's waiting to follow your lead and reverse the "we promised no feelings" edict.
GOOD LUCK and let me know how it went! I'm in your corner, buddy!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): Thank you i believe its obvious that she has feelings for me and i do to so the only real choice i have is to tell her so we can both be happy its the logical choice you all have been very helpful
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): Jeez you're in your 30s, and you're asking like a friends with benefits question--that's crazy -- she likes you -- you like her --what's the problem --are you so scared of life that you can't be with somebody? If you like her enough to sleep with her and you're 30 then don't you like them enough to date her? It's kind of crazy you just sound like you're repressed
If you want to sleep with someone who doesn't care about you, then you need to stop sleeping with this woman. if you want relationship with somebody then man up and do it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): Thank you all i was just wanting to be sure that i wasnt imaging thing to be honest i feel the same way towards here was just afraid to say so to her
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): I thank you all for the advice to be honest that is all i needed to know i just wanted to be sure that that is what was happening because i do feel the same way towords her i was hust afraid i was reading to much into it and if i told her how i felt it would be over thank you all again
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): Women tend to attach feelings to sex; more so than men do. So you crossed the line there. You can't tell another person what not to feel. Your agreement was negated when you erased the line separating friends from lovers. She most likely had feelings long before the sex, which is why she agreed to it in the first place.
There is no other option but to tell her that you don't have the same feelings. Sex was a bit opportunistic on both your parts; because it was readily available. As friends, you should never cross that line. Things get complicated.
She sees everything in you because she doesn't want to go through the inconvenience of finding it somewhere else. Too often people use friendships like fishing in a barrel. It's laziness, and a sense of entitlement. I want it now; so I'll change the friendship into a romance, and save myself all the trouble. It's there like a bird in the hand, so take advantage of it.
Chances are, she never really saw it as a friendship in the first-place. She was hoping at some point it would turn if she just held-out long enough. You must have known, or you never would have made any attempt to have sex with her.
At this point, you have to cool down her feelings by being straight and to the point. If she can't control her feelings for you; you have no choice but to dissolve the friendship and put distance between you. Sometimes the infatuation is only temporary; because she's lonely and dating hasn't provided her what she needs. You're right there, and she just assumed that having sex with her meant you felt something more for her than you do.
Never toy with a woman's affections, love can turn to scorn in the blink of an eye!
Don't string her along with that "I just want to be friends" speech you've been using. She wants more and she wants it with you. If you're not up for it; then set her free.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 April 2017):
Youwish has it right, it''s very easy to say 'don't catch feelings' it's not as easy in practice.
Friends don't sleep with each other. The second you did that the friendship is over and it becomes a whole new ball game.
What's the worst that could happen trying to date her? You obviously care about each other and enjoy spending time together.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 April 2017):
 Sorry dude, but you are her stopped being friends when you had sex. It became something more from that moment on. Time to face it. You can not go back to just being friends, so better make up your mind about what you want with her. Cut the contact/see each other as little as possible until feelings die (and the friendship possibly dies with it), or explore if having a girlfriend who is also your best friend could be a nice option.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 April 2017):
Agreements not to have "those" feelings is like agreeing for water not to be wet. It's a law of nature, and if feelings develop, you'd have better luck trying to hold back a rainstorm rather than continue with some "Friend with benefits" situation knowing that feelings are developing.
Now that she has fallen for you, if you don't want the same thing, there is only one thing you can possibly do, and that's END it End the friendship with is not a friendship and little more to you than an arrangement of sexual convenience. You can't tell her "We promised not.." because that's an impossible promise, one that sits next to "I'll never feel attraction towards another human being as long as I live" or "I'll never let you down, make a mistake, or hurt you". It's the human condition.
You don't HAVE to have feelings for her back, but now that they've developed, you have to do the right thing and tell her you don't feel the same way that she does.
However, if you DO have feelings for her, you should know that falling in love doesn't ruin anything about a good reciprocal relationship if both people are into each other. In fact, a deeper connection is the logical and natural maturation of a relationship progression. Relationships either grow or they die.
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