A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I've been having an extremely difficult week, and I guess I just need reassurance that it does get better, and maybe some new tips for very long distance relationships.My boyfriend and best friend, whom I have lived with for almost three and a half years moved back to Australia a week ago to go to university there, and I eventually plan to move there as well. We essentially only had three weeks notice that he was going, and before we knew it I found myself very alone for the first time in my life (I'm 21). On top of that I didn't make it into the master's program I wanted and found out about this the same week, so many things have just come crashing down. I had to temporarily move back with my parents as I am unable to be in our apartment for more than a few minutes, and only if someone is there with me. From living together for so long to suddenly being like this, I feel completely lost, uncomfortable, and don't even see our place as a home anymore. On top of that, our time difference makes it very difficult to talk besides late at night my time.I know things are supposed to get better, but I don't know how to cope with this loneliness. I have tried making plans with friends, but hanging out with them just reminds me how open and close I am to my boyfriend, and how I have to restrict myself even with the closest of friends that are still in my presence. I really don't want to hear that I shouldn't waste my time on long-distance, because this was not something done with lighthearted feelings by any means. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been successful in LDRs, or anyone who can give some helpful advice that isn't typically mentioned but might help out.Thank you for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the OP - thank you for your advice, both of you! I will make sure to check out that website!
I have shied away from the idea of getting counselling because I felt a little embarrassed that I am having such a reaction to something that isn't all that rare for my age group, but I think I'll suck it up and get some proper help anyways. Although I am not a very outgoing person, I have always felt fine if I have even one really strong pillar of support next to me, so now that it's gone I realize more than ever that in several ways I'm unfortunately not a very independent person.
I guess this LDR might fix that for the better though, but you're right, I will find someone that might be able to help me go about my life as it is now.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 LDRs suck... thankfully mine was a close LDR.. I would be so sad and lonesome for my guy if he was out of touch so completely.
I hope it won't be too long before you can be together.
check out www.lovingfromadistance.com for more support and help and ideas on how to make a VLDR work.
my bigger concern is that you are so incapacitated by him being gone. Even in the most loving of relationships, a bit of separation is a good thing... learning to be on your own a bit is a great thing.... and I'm concerned at how emotionally paralyzed you are... clearly this is not a short term (weeks) separation and maybe a bit of counseling for emotional support is in order....
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (19 February 2013):
Long distance definitely isn't fun while you are going through it, but some of my best memories are of when I was long distance. It forces you to get creative to show you are in a committed relationship and to keep it going. Things that can help cheer you up and keep your relationship going strong:
- webcam chats (closest you can be with somebody while being continents apart)
- sending cards and packages to each other (it's something to read and look at when you can't talk to or see them)
- making video recordings and sending them to each other (can listen to/watch when you need to hear their voice)
- I would have date nights where we both got take out and watched the same movie at the same time while on the phone with each other. Might be harder for you because of the major time difference.
But the long distance has to have an end in sight. These measures are mostly just for short-term, can't be continued forever. So plan how you will end the long distance. Also, plan for periodic trips to see each other.
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