A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been going through a tough time as of late I am married for a second time and my ex wife is married as well. Recently she started running me down to my two oldest kids my oldest daughter lives out of state and I talk to her as often as I can over cell phone or text my oldest son lives in town and has totally shut me out. His mom tried to push him into an authority role over his younger sister who is now 18. He has become pretty arrogant and even when I talk to him he talks down to me. He was suppose to come over for Christmas morning as his two younger sisters were there but he never showed up or even called. I sent his presents to him with his sister as she was going to her moms and he was there. She gave them to him and he didn't say any thing, he has not called to say thanks or any thing. I have paid for his cell phone since he was 16 and now he is twenty six and since I lost my business and went to work for some one else I can no longer pay his bill, so we are suppose to meet to transfer to his name but even when he contacted me to set up a time to meet he gave me ultimatum with three choices if how things were going to go, I simply did not respond. He had been acting so different I am not sure what to do. My 18 year old tells me that her mom says as many negative things about me that she can and I feel I am up against a wall I don't know what to do. Please help
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 December 2013):
 Cut off the phone your son is using now. If he needs a phone at age 26 then he can pay for it himself.
As for his ultimatums, you did the right thing in ignoring him. I doubt very much sticking up for yourself is going to make things worse with him, they already sound about as bad as they can get. Just leave the door open to him, this doesn't mean you have to be his doormat, hopefully he will grow up one day and realise what he has shut the door on!
Now to the 18 year old daughter, it does seem strange her mother has now started to run you down, maybe she has other problems in her life and its easier to bad mouth you than admit to them or even acknowledge them to herself.
Don't bad mouth the mother back, tell your daughter you are sorry she has to listen to it. Try and keep an even keel, your ex wife's bad words should not be able to spoil your days.
Stand up for yourself, don't retaliate against your ex, and remain firm with your son.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2013):
 First of all, cut your son's cell phone off he is 26! for crying out loud - if he can't afford to carry it himself, well then he can't have a cell phone. He knows you can't afford it and that could be why he is being rude. He has the typical sense of entitlement I see in his generation. I am therefore my parents and the rest of the world owe me stuff!
As for your ex-wife talking smack all of a sudden, maybe it's not as new as you think, specially since your son have progressively become worse in his treatment of you.
You 18 year old. Tell her you don't know why her mom has started to talk negatively about you, but that it's HER choice to do so and your daughter can choose to believe it or just ignore it. I would tell her you have no intentions of talking back about her mom.
I agree with the talking smack is new, something has changed and maybe that is the root of it.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 December 2013):
 So what changed recently? Is your ex angry about alimony or something else to do with the divorce? It seems unlikely that this behaviour would start out of the blue.
As for your son, I don't know what kind of relationship you had with him in the past. But if you want one in the future that won't cause you anguish you have to stand up for yourself starting now. You wouldn't accept disrespect from a neighbour or a co-worker, right? Well don't take it from your son either.
So many divorced Dad's feel guilty about the break-up of the marriage and are afraid of what effect it might have had on the kids that they become doormats. They make excuses for their kids' bad behaviour. They shrug off rudeness. They avoid rocking the boat so they can stay friends with their kids. IMO that's a recipe for more rudeness and disrespect.
Make it clear how you expect to be treated, and tolerate nothing less. At 26 your son is an adult and should know better. And from the way he's treating his sisters, it sounds like he needs to be taken down a notch in any event. That's your job.
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