A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I have a little boy together. We went on a break 6 months ago because we were not getting along. He wanted some distance and I was hurt badly by this response. I thought I would never get over my ex. Now I have met a new guy and I was blown away by the kind of person he is. He seems unbelievably great and almost too good to be true. I am not sure if I have the same connection with him as with my ex, but maybe that takes time. The new guy is a real catch. He is great with my son and has a million and one things going for him. I see us getting married in a couple years. He is not afraid of solid commitment. We've already talked about it after a short time which is good but a little fast. My ex boyfriend was shocked that I found someone new and after a talk to get closure on past feelings, he admitted he always loved my and always thought we could get back together at some point when he could resolve his own internal stuff (why he needed space and the break). He wants me back now and before I met someone I would have jumped on this offer in a heartbeat......I'm shameful to admit that I still have serious feelings for my ex and I'm more tempted by his offer to get back together than I thought I would be. After all, we have a young child together!!! But this new guy could offer a wonderful future and I could have more happiness with someone who wears their eomotions on their sleeve instead of leaving you wondering like my ex did. My ex said if I did not pressure him, he would have been more forthcoming with his feelings, but I don't know for sure if that's how it would have been. Any ideas how to decide what to do????? I need to decide soon before I lead the new guy on too long. Thank you!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): if he only wants you back now that you've met someone new, that means he doesn't love you. He's just being territorial and objectifying you. his attention is entirely on himself and his sense of loss and embarrassment (men can be very oversensitive to losing out to another man, it hurts their fragile ego).
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (16 July 2011):
 If it takes him 6 months to sort things out, then it takes 6 months. To love is to risk feeling hurt. The only way to be sure is to be single and lonely. This new guy is a rebound guy. Just because he says he is ready to commit does not mean he knows how to do relationships, it does not mean he won't also hurt you in the future.
You have unfinished story with your ex. You may be telling yourself that he only wants you because you met someone new. You may even resent the fact that he controls your time and your destiny. Hear him out. Sometimes if takes a break up to make him realize that single life is not what it cracked up to be. You can maintain contact with your ex, to feel each other out. You will learn how to resolve conflicts better. A break up can be a positive thing. It means the old relationship and all the negative stuff has to be discarded before a new one can begin.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): Absolutely not a good idea,he will only hurt you again regardless of sharing a son together,if he had wanted you he`d of let you know before you got a new guy
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (16 July 2011):
if your ex isn't forthcoming about his true intentions and future plans that apparently involve you, then this is NOT a good sign for a relationship with him.
whether it works out with the new guy or not remains to be seen, it's too soon to tell. But I think there is enough evidence that getting back together with your ex isn't going to work out any better than the first time around.
the new guy is an unknown - it could work out, or not. You don't know unless you proceed with that new relationship. But your ex is already a known quantity, which is that it did not work out the first time, and he's still not being truthful and is playing mind games.
I understand the fact that you have a kid together influences your desire to get back with him. However, if your primary reason for wanting to get back with him is because of your kid, and you're hoping that "the rest" of the relationship will be OK despite his dishonesty, I think that's not a good start or a foundation for that relationship.
in other words I think you shouldn't get back together with your ex - but not because the new guy is "better" (it's too soon to tell) but simply because there's a lot of evidence that it wont' work out with your ex.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 July 2011):
 i don't want to put a dampener on your new found happiness but just a word of caution - beware a man who seems to good to be true and who talks about marriage too soon. just keep your feet on the ground ok? so you can look at him and your ex realistically and make the best choice
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2011): don't get back with your ex, leave him behind, it was his choice after all. There's a reason you broke up. People don't change easily.He apparently never was honest with you. Until now supposedly, just because you found someone new? that's wrong. witholding true thoughts and feelings and intentions about your relationship and then suddenly springing "the truth" on you when he's freaking out to try and get you back, is not a good sign of the kind of person he will be if you get back together.if his plan was to get back with you after he had sorted himself out then why didn't he say so when you broke up? He didn't say that so how were you supposed to know to "wait around" for him? It's not fair to you. the relationship doesn't revolve around him and his secret intentions.besides, he only wants you back because you've found someone new. This is more about his own ego than about really working it out. If he really wanted to work it out he would have said so from the start. He wants to keep you around as a back up for however long it takes him to move on. you have a son together, but that doesn't change the kind of person he is. Don't get back with your ex primarily because you have a kid together and you think that the rest may be "OK". Think about the kind of person your ex is.
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