A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were very close friends for 3 years before we started going out, i thought he was amazing, then suddenly there was just no trust in the relationship. He constantly went through my phone and I admit, I don't really have girlfriends so all my friends were boys, and of course he didn't like that. One day out the blue he hit me. I was devastated and we went on a break... a couple of months later I started seeing someone else and the ex kicked right off! But now i've cut things off with the next man because I just can't stop thinking about my ex. Nothing seems right without him, i'm so stressed and feel he is the only one who understands me, I am completely in love with him and need him back. How do I go about this? He said he doesn't know what to do as he thinks he cant trust me :/
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): Well let me start by saying hitting is never ok, but something did strike me in this letter i wanted to bring up.
Phones... mobiles... etc.
Everyone puts so much personal attachment on them. I honestly think if you don't want your partner going through yuor mobile you have something to hide. Many of you might gasp, but get this, when u live together, you share a home phone, bank account, all that stuff, after all, isn't a mobile just an electronic communication device? Why is there such a stigma that its super private?! I'll tell you why, cause you're all texting people and stuff you shouldn't be... to people that you know you'd get in trouble for texting! Just food for thought!
If your boyfriend or girlfriend NEVER let you see their mobile, you, or anyone else would assume cause they are hiding stuff, infidelity is real, (Shock) so here's what i do..,
in a new relationship, i tell the girl my phone is nothing more then an electronic device, she can look through it, answer it, use it if she needs, she doesn't need to ask. Why? Cause i don't care and i have nothing to hide, i don't have girls texting me bullshit xoxoxo messages and saying shit that would get my girl mad... why? Cause i respect her and want to EARN HER TRUST! your all messed in the head in my honest opinion but whatever. (also its funny finding out that i was being cheated on twice in the past due to mobile phones) lol, but I never went through them without asking.
So as a trust building excersise to your new partners, make a thing of it, delete your ex-screw-buddies, dudes you hooked up with that mean nothing, clean out your in and out box and tell your new partner that you have nothing to hide and that he or she can use your phone whenever without asking or fear of being yelled out. And guess what, its kinda a nice event, it builds trust and sincerity, and after a day or two the novelty is gone and you've just gained trust points. Trust me, give it a go, or, keep hiding shit and see how far that gets you on the trust score.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This guy has a problem with trust and suspicion. This will not go away, and it is something that a lot of violent guys have a problem with.
It is your life and he cannot control who you are friends with. This is emotional abuse.
He will hit you again and again and again if you go back to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): He hit you. Do not go back to this guy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 He hit me. Those three little words look like they are hidden in the paragraph but they mean huge red flags! What is a bigger threat? Him hitting you out of the blue or you having male friends? Did he even say sorry (Not that a sincere apology would mean it won't happen again)? Or was it all about him? When a man searches through your phone, you tell him never do that again. You did nothing wrong and there was nothing to admit. You are giving him the power to control your life. You got a hit because you had message on your phone from other men. So what is he going to do if he found you talking to another man in person? He's the only one to understand you? That's why he hit you? You haven't met enough people, the right kind of people I should say. When you say you want him back, it's your body telling you that you crave the love you lost, but you are not going to get any love from this dangerous man. There are many men who are more emotionally mature and secure out there. Please don't make the mistake of letting him back in your life. Next time he would make it much harder for you to leave, such as suicide threats or worse, killing you.
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A
female
reader, browneyes1983 +, writes (31 October 2010):
guys are strange wen it comes to trust! they probs find it harder to forgive and forget than women do...i have a male friend who dosent trust his ex and they constantly argue about trust issues.......U NEED TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP OR IT WILL DESTROY IT.......
try and reasure ur ex that hes the only guy for u and u only have eyes for him....make him feel special and wanted...maybe he will regain trust in u.
IS THERE A REASON WHY HE DOSENT TRUST U??? ;-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): There has to be trust in the relaionship. Without trust it's not a relationship at all. You can't force your ex back in a relationship with you. The best thing to do is try to find someone that trusts you and you trust them. Try to find someone that understands you and Will stand through anything with you.
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