A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split with my ex nearly 6 years ago who i loved more than anything i fell pregnant by him but i was only a kid at the time and had an abortion for both our sakes but it killed us both and it never really worked after that but i was sure then and now i loved him very much. We were at uni together and split because he took a gap year and strayed i was devastated after everything so we decided to split. Since then we have been in contact nearly the entire time and have almost got back together once and had various moments but nothing enough to get us back together for good reasons.We both split with our previous partners his 7 months ago and mine nearly a year ago and we met again in August this year after over 5 years and i ended up sleeping with him. Before he just wouldn't stop asking to see me ( he always asked not me) it become almost obsessive he just had to see me i guess in the back of my mind i had my suspicions it was just for sex but couldn't bring myself to believe it.I know this was a mistake since then we have barely spoken and his strange behavior before and after meeting left me wondering what the hell he was on i've never been so confused.One minute he was cold and formal the next he was very affectionate and all over me it was confusing and brutally painful if I'm honest emotionally. I've barely heard a word from him since and since seeing him i don't know why it could be guilt or anything. I've sent him an email telling him how i feel and that im not angry with him because i had sex with him at the end of the day but i feel too much for him and have to put myself first so i said ill always care but i cant do this anymore because he means so much to me i said i didnt want to hear from him for a long time becauswe we both klnow he cant give me what i need. I cannot believe what has happened and feel sick to the stomach but i guess i just now feel i might of been hasty emailing him this but i waited 6 weeks after seeing him and couldn't get closure from merely trying to forget about him without telling him once and for all how i felt about him. Did i do the right thing? I guess i just feel a fool and some advice about what others have been through would be great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much ladies for your fantastic responses. It's lovely to have such understanding, care and support when times are hard. I'm feeling better with time and keeping to my side of the bargain keeping my distance from an unhealthy situation. Thanks againx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): Hi there. Personally, I feel you did the right thing. Six weeks is a long time to not take an active interest in someone, one has shared some intimate moments with. I think you have been more than generous, in waiting on him. Many of us would have waited a week, maybe 2...tops...and then called it a day. But I do understand why you did this. You and this guy shared a lot of history together with a pregnancy, an abortion and a lot of time spent in a prior relationship. It must have been very devastating to have recognized, what he was doing to you, which was not respectful thing, nor caring, nor loving. I know it hurts and I am sorry. You are going to have to be strong, go through this pain, and eventually you will heal and recover. But you learned something from this, and you will now ensure it won't happen again. We become wiser...we gain a new insight from a hurtful life experience, like this. That insight being...you will now always set a new standard of what you will and will not tolerate. Next time when you meet someone, you will be the one in charge of your life. Don't forget this and remember, you will definitely find someone who treats you with the respect and honor, you deserved in the first place. Just heal, surround yourself with people who truely love you..like family and friends. And please, be good to yourself...just take care of you. All the best and good luck. xx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 I am sorry that you were treated poorly by your ex. There is no right or wrong thing to have done in this situation. To clarify what you've written, your ex and you were in contact and he begged to see you, you two finally met up and had sex 6 or so weeks ago and then he started pulling back. Since then you've been up in the air about what was going on and maybe you thought you two would have a relationship and now you are thinking he was just wanting a sexual encounter without strings.
If this is correct since then he has not given any clarification as to what you two have, what he wants and what you mean to him. You are feeling confused, hurt and used. You needed to get on with your life and you needed to make a stand for your own good and try and exact some closure for yourself. I believe that what you wrote him is true. You can not have this "Open relationship" with him, you want more. So you have in your own mind decided to move on. Now you are second guessing what you have done on the off chance that he may have contacted you in the future and the two of you may have had the relationship you wanted. You feel he now has this email where you are asking for distance and you have ruined your chances.
If I have this down fairly well I will tell you that this relationship is not working for you and you needed to move on. No one can tell you why your ex is doing this to you except him and he's not saying so time to move on. If he ever does come back in the future you two need to have a serious discussion about what "the relationship is all about." Because another sexual encounter without an attachment is going to hurt you even more.
It's now time to do as you wrote, move forward. Leave your ex in the past. Sometimes there is too much pain to try and build a future out of the past. I think if you move forward and find someone new who will be open and caring that you will be a lot happier. Now that was surely easier to say than to do.
Take care.
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