A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my partner for 3 years, we have a two year old child together. I called it quits due to arguing and him not trusting me. So we have been apart for 2 months now, and I am trying to be civil for our child, I have been trying to arrange a routine on when he can have our son, but he just ignores me, and decides to collect him unexpected and brings him home when ever he feels like it, he won't talk to me at all, he is handling this situation very childish, and sometimes he will go 2 weeks at a time without seeing him, he sometimes gives me child maintence but sometimes he let's me and our son suffer and gives us nothing for weeks. I have to admit I'm finding it very hard just living on my benefits, I want to go back to work eventually but I feel my son is too young yet and I think he needs me especially because he's still a baby. I don't know what more I can do with this situation. Should I go to court and get a court order from them? And should I apply for the csa (child support allowance) I'm fed up of trying to make the right choice but it still aint good enough, I'm struggling with bills, and sometimes struggle to feed myself and clothe myself, I always make sure my son has food in the cupboards, and nice clothes but I seem to have forgotten all about me. My ex partner earns £2000 a month but I don't get a penny out of it which angers me because he is living a good life with everything taken care of whilei struggle with everything. What am I going to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): Yes you should go to court to get him to pay child support.
But you also need to go back to work as well. your ex has an obligation to financially support the child, but not to financially support you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 by all means go to court... get court ordered paternity and then have his wages garnished for the appropriate amount of child support.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 July 2012):
He should be making regular payments for his child. What a pity it is that he’s unable to separate his feelings for you with his responsibilities as a father and is letting his child suffer because of his anger towards the mother. If talking and trying to agree a routine for access and regular payments between yourselves isn’t working, you should tell him that you’re prepared to look in to your options legally. Get some good legal advice, it looks like it might end up a case for the courts.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (30 July 2012):
 HiContact CSA tomorrow and get the ball rolling for child maintenance. The benefit people normally chase the absent father I am surprised they haven't asked you for his details.You can work for 16 hours a week and get Working Tax Credits (check online) you should be better off financially and as your baby is now 2 years old, it really is time to start looking.Lots of women go back to work long before their child is 2yrs old.Why let the taxpayer foot the bill for you and your child its up to you and the father to keep him.Sadly as a single mum you are responsible for the child and the fact you cannot afford new clothes for yourself is a sacrifice you have to make.Also see a solicitor and get access sorted out properly for your sons sake, you will get legal aid, try CAB to get a list of them in your area that can help. Its time to accept your situation and DO something for your son, so he can have a good life and a happy Mum.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): By all means apply for assistance to get back on your feet and to make sure you and your child won't go without nessities. The assistance programs however should be a tempory help to you and should be consitered this way. It is unfourtant that your child is young but you may have to go back to work. It may also help to get back into the work forse to meet new people. If you dont want to at lease go to adult school and build you skills for a wonderful future. Once you apply for assistance they will help with food, child care cost, cell phone, and rent. They also will have you sign a formal form to collect child support from the absent parent and with empolyment and possible dirrect you to a public defender to ensure a safe and consecient plan for your child reguarging custody arrangments between the father and yourself.........
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Yes, you should receive some maintenance to help pay for the child you share.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): Definately go through the courts. My mum did when I was a child and it ensured I always had everything I needed and although times were sometimes hard once the CSA was paid regularly it made life easier for us. He has a child with you so has to face his responsibilities. He can't have contact as and when he wants it either and a court order will show him you only want the best for your child and are not afraid to get it. Good luck, if you need legal advice google to find your local CAB (citizens advice bureau) and give them a ring. They offer FREE advice on nearly everything.
Good luck
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