A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a crush on a co-woker who is ten years older. I noticed that he treats me differently than my other female colleagues and it could be for bajillion different reasons. I was just wondering if someone had any ideas.Different how? Well, for starters- he is very flirty with all of the other women but is almost brotherly towards me though I am not the youngest on our team. He does prefer sitting next to me at trainings and meetings but in many of the team building exercises he tries to work with other women instead unless it is a simple one we don't have to get out of our seats for. He is always very sweet and makes eye contact when we talk. But we don't talk often. And though I try not to make it obvious that I like him, I think I give myself away because I am more giggly around him- he's the guy that brings laughter to the room. I'm not the only one who laughs but I feel self concious because he is older than me and is close by. I feel I do it [giggle] more than everyone else, I look young for my age- even younger than the youngest co-worker, and despite the fact that many of my older friends say that I am pretty mature for my age and am an old soul, I give off an unintentional vibe of innonce and youth through my demeanor and voice. Which just makes me all the more aware of how childish I must seem to him. This is the first older man I've had a crush on with the exception of my 2nd grade teacher, my high school physics teacher and a few celebs.I'm not sure what his take on me is. He once saw me blushing from a spurt of silliness between a friend and I. He caught me in the act and my self conciousness must have been transparent because he said "You think I laugh at you a lot, don't you?" I said no- which is true, he just makes me happy.One reason he may not pair up with me often during trainings and what have you may be due to the fact that when we had a team building exercise once, it required a small amount of physical contact and I tensed up- practically froze. This is because I experienced sexual abuse from a middle school teacher and a person I thought was a friend and now occasionaly have issues with personal space akin to clausterphobia though not physical touch itself. I realize that he may have misinterpreted it as my not wanting him to touch me or something. I somtimes get the feeling he is avoiding me. I feel like he's looking at me when I'm not looking at him though when I turn to see he is looking somewhere else so it could just be me being crazy.The other day, he saw I was upset about something and flirted with me to make me smile [it worked] but I know that doesn't mean anything.I'm not sure whether or not he is with someone.Any advice or constructive comments?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate-My boss opened up an opportunity for my coworker and I to communicate more by bringing up a recurring joke about my hair accessories. That same night, my ride home was late and my coworker offered to stay with me until they showed up [they were on their way so it wouldn't have been wise for him to take me]We had a good conversation about our interests, finding much in common with one another. I also found out that his reasons for keeping some distance was because of my initial reaction that one time and I assured him that it had nothing to do with him. He thought it was specifically him- dear heavens, no!Ever since then, my crush has flirted with me more, even going so far as to get me the type of chair I like the most during meetings.He is very big on making eye contact, especially if he is walking across the room- when we are nearer, he tends to make a little less- unless I am speaking. When he makes eye contact, he always smiles- if he's near, its bigger and if he farther away, it's smaller and slower. xp I'm infatuated.He usually does not stay in the same room if it is just the two of us- actually, he leaves rather quickly [I don't entirely blame him- I feel like there's tension there- though that could just be me]. I don't know if he's tense and nervous or just uncomfortable with being near me alone b/c he's not interested.He still flirts with other women- but he's trying to come up with a cute nickname for me. To my knowledge, he hasn't done that with anyone else.I am still not completely sure if he's just flirting or likes me, but I think I can begin to include him as an actual friend instead of the crush from afar. He still mother hens me sometimes. :]I flirt, but I don't go out of my way to do it b/c I want to stand out from the women that are always all over him. I think my quietness is somewhat appealing to him anyways. Lol- I shocked him the other day by telling him to suck my d**k when he made a crack on me, and he went from appalled silence to raucous laughter and told me those words were the last ones he'd expect from my mouth.In short, I think the distance keeping may have just been a misunderstanding, though I am not 100 percent sure of his interest in me.If this continues to look good, I may eventually ask him out for coffee.Thanks again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have received some help for the issues mentioned- and I don't freeze up everytime a man touches me. It does tend to happen when I just meet a guy, but rarely after the first time. I have to build up trust. It's not as bad as it used to be. I was thinking that he treated me cautiously and it appears that you seem to be of the same opinion. Thanks for your respnse!
As for him treating me brotherly as the second commentor mentioned- I meant that he treats me delicately like he were one of my brothers, but he doesn't treat me like a guy- I've been "one of the guys".
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 This is a tough one. He is not showing any obvious signs of liking you. He may act differently towards you because you say you look and seem very young for your age, so maybe he has noticed this as well and that is why he treats you with care, it could also be that he knows you have a crush on him therefore he avoids leading you on. It sounds to me like he is treating you with care whatever his reasons are and he does not want to get to close to you. I know age is just a number but I think you should maybe get help with dealing with any issues that you may have before thinking of getting close with a man. You have had a bad past and it is still effecting you as you are tensing up and freezing when a man touches you, I think you should deal with these issues and get some help for that. As for advice with this man, to be it does not seem like he is romantically interested but I may be wrong the only way to find out is maybe to ask him out for a coffee some day after work and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): If he is treating you 'brotherly' he may see you more as 'one of the guys.'
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