A
female
age
41-50,
*ittieS
writes:This is a really difficult one for me.My ex who was horrible to me (read my previous question to understand) is causing me to feel upset - not because I miss him, care about him or anything like that. But because yet again, I've asked him to collect his belongings and now he wants to yet again take something else in my property.I've asked him to take the last of his belongings for over a year, I seriously think he left these things to continue to have some sort of hold over me - he is so materialistic, I think I was like property to him.So now I've said, you have to collect them and he's writing nasty emails saying what else he wants because "it's his" even though we wrote an agreement that he couldn't take these particular items.Now I can deal with this idiotic behaviour of his, I am going to give him thirty days now to collect his personal items before I actually chuck them (this time I will chuck them) but my question is thisMy new boyfriend, just knows when something is bothering me, I know he will ask what's on my mind and I don't want to upset this amazing new man in my life - I am not going to just tell him, but if he asks should i tell him? I hate the idea of keeping something back from him, but I don't want him to get upset (well angry actually, not at me - but he is very protective of me)What do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): He was horrible to you, is sending nasty emails and demanding your kitten.He's upsetting you and causing you to hide things from your new man
He IS clinging on but then you are encouraging him every step of the way.....you can be nice AND let this chapter close... by getting your new man to drop his stuff (memories) off..as you don't want to just dump it.
That way you accomplish everything in one go
A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (19 September 2011):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the question So over him just a nice person who does not feel it is right to just dump someone's memories
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Still don't understand why your communicating - he's emailing your responding....I wonder if you really are over him to be honest, doesn't sound like it to me
If you were, then you would have dumped his stuff months ago, just to get him out of your life for good.And you haven't
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (19 September 2011):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPs - I'm not communicating other than in a very legal formal capacity. 14 years, it's very very formal.
Told him now to go through lawyers
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (19 September 2011):
KittieS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWise words ladies x
My ex is now telling me because he brought my kitten he has rights to him too
Honestly I am so thankful to have this idiot out of my life.
I will tell my new boyfriend, I don't want to keep anything from him - I realised when he turned up earlier than expected today, his phone had run out if battery, he was on the road wanted to drop by to say he was going to see a friend and be to see me at 8pm, not the 7pm he promised and would that be ok - he is just super - have to add I had been working out for an hour, no make up, looking at my worse, was in the bath listening to glee.. Think the bath thing kinda helped the no-make up fact!
I just dont want him to be upset x
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I would tell him, if he asks. Also let him know you can handle it and how you intend to.
And, honestly? Stop communicating with the ex, already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Take his stuff to next weekends carboot sale or a charity shop or leave it in bin liners on his doorstep - he's had a year - it can't be that important to him nor expensive or he would have picked it up within a month.
By not telling your new boyfriend your making it all seem a bit underhand and creating a situation when there doesn't need to be one - imagine if it was his ex girlfriend and he didnt tell you..wouldnt you be suspicious..
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I think you should tell your new man what's going on, he can help to support you emotionally as your ex is upsetting you. Your new man only wants to help you, and you can ask him not to involve himself in the matter, tell him that you are giving your ex 30 days to pick up his stuff or else it's getting thrown out, so he knows what is happening. Just be honest with him, i'm sure he'll do his best to help and support you.
Make sure that stuff gets chucked after 30 days, then change your number/email so he can't get to you anymore. All the best hun :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): Just send him his belongings and be done with it and no need to mention a thing to your boyfriend. It's over with the ex and you don't really need to take his calls after that.
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