A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story!I went out with a lovely girl for 18 months back in 1999/2000. We lived together for a while, she was only 19 and I was 25.I broke it up as I thought we were too young to settle down and get married, it broke her heart.We've always kept in touch, she has since married and recently separated from her husband (after leaving him for someone else) My marriage has been on the rocks for a while too.We met up on Saturday night, quite drunk, and ended up spending hours together chatting about old times and sharing a few kisses. She is now 28, but very much on the rebound from the guy she was leaving her husband for. He decided to stay with his wife at the last minute!What do I do, I've already been stupid and laid all my cards on the table saying how much I've always loved her and how much I regret breaking up with her years ago. Love hurts....
View related questions:
drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Diz.
Damn hard though, I'm usually excellent at self constraint and acting logically, but that seems to be going out the window as I think about nothing else!
It's the daft things, and fate seems to be playing a part here, but she is working at a gig on Saturday night. I've randomly been asked to help out by someone else as well!
Not only that, the love who recently left her will be there with his wife and kids!
A
female
reader, dizzie +, writes (4 June 2008):
im so glad your back to friendly terms and that you have taken your own advise to reel in your emotions for now,im sure that if you take it steady and just take things as ive said at snails pace then you might have your future with her. women are funny creatures (i know im one ha ha) and in times of stress they look to that big strong reassuring shoulder to cry on but if you take it any further than that she may look on it as you are trying to take advantage if you give her the big strong shoulder to cry on and thats all she will look at you as her friend, mate and next her lover and she will let you know by small signs that she is ready to move on and look to a new future then you can have your chance to express yourself to your lady and woo her like she would like. you sound like a really nice guy and it seems that you have that special bond but be patient with her she feels hurt and betrayed right now she also feels like a fool for what she has done, so by you sticking by her and supporting her thats the best thing that you can do and if you do meet make sure that you both stay sobber or you will end up writting all this again ok(ha ha) i really do wish the two of you well and i hope that you can be out of your marriage if thats what you want by the time that she is ready to move her life on cause dont put either of these women through what your friend has just been through, be single if thats what you want not a married man that she has to feel insecure with i hope this makes sence take care mate luv diz
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat advice Dizzie and with my sensible hat on I'd have to agree with every point you make.
I jumped in with both feet for a couple of days after Saturday night, but feel foolish now for doing so. We are back to friendly emails for now as she is being sensible and not accepting my offer of a coffee and a chat.
Can only hope that something works out in the future, be in short or long term, but she is heartbroken just now for the love she lost. I have offered to help in anyway I can, so will now do just that and try and reel myself in from being so "madly in love" for the foreseeable future!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dollie.
In an ideal world I would agree 100%, but she has made it clear that she is still madly in love with the guy she left her husband for. That chap backed out of leaving his wife and kids at the last minute, leaving her homeless and completely heartbroken! By her own honest admission, she is not interested in anyone else just now, other than the guy who recently got away.
Bad timing that we got together on Saturday or a glimpse of hope for the future? I hope the latter obviously.
...............................
A
female
reader, dollie +, writes (4 June 2008):
I understand where your coming from, after having been in some problematic situations such as yours. But from experience, if shes what you want then go for it! Everything happens for a reason and fate has brought you two back together again! Enjoy it!
...............................
A
female
reader, dizzie +, writes (4 June 2008):
hi there it sounds to me like you have answered your own question. it was nearly ten years ago that you were together and although you said you broke her heart when you split up she did actually move on and get married. unfortunatley that didnt work out and she put her trust in a married man and she got burned which is always the risk of doing something so silly. you say that you have always kept in touch with each other and so i would say that she still cares for you as a friend but getting drunk and seeing her the other day wasnt the smartest move in the world as you are now regretting it. you can tell that she is not over this married guy and she probably wont be for quite some time so do what you have been doing and just be her freind after all she will be seeing another married guy if you start seeing her and that is not the best move at all. if its over with your wife tell your wife and do something about it like move away from her and get a divorce before you start dating anyone else. to me you are living in the past and its all exciting to you at the moment that you have met up and that you still share some chemistry with her, but she needs time to get over this love and you need to seperate from your wife. maybe this can work now that you have both lived a little and experienced more of the world but dont put any pressure on her as you will make her feel trapped, she is very vunerable at the moment and sometimes when you are vunerable you latch on to something or someone who you later see as a mistake. what the two of you need to do right now is keep in touch but give each other space dont rush into anything that you might regret later just because its comfort for you both right now give yourselves time to heal and be mates. she might be the right one for you but only time will tell and taking it at snails pace is the best advice i can give you right now, your both looking for comfort be you dont have to be lovers to do that you can do that perfectly well as freinds good luck
...............................
|
