A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I am a 21 year old guy who has been in a relationship with a gorgeous woman for a year and a half. As far as I am aware, I am in love. Tonight, I bumped into a girl who I spent the night with (no sex) four years ago, and we discussed the fallout, over drinks, from that one night. Turns out that we still are very much attracted to each other (we have bumped into each other intermittently every nine months or so since that point), and I wanted to find out what she thought of this. I am, mostly, very happy in my relationship, particularly of late when I have noticed a massive improvement in my affection for my girlfriend. I would just like to know what you folks do when confronted with an old flame that seems so alive, and fresh and enticing...?I reasoned with this flame that I am in a relationship, and wouldn't want to hurt my GF by doing anything (drunkenly) that I might regret. Not that she was pressing the issue, but she understood. We left things amicably, and I departed from the party alone. It does feel really great to have got our feelings out in the open, but it's inherently obvious that we will feel this way about each other for a good while to come.What do you do? I am glad tonight has happened as it just shows up how confusing and debilitating monogamy is, and yet I know that I wouldn't want my GF to act any differently to how I have. I am confused (maybe a little drunk, but that only aids the truthfulness) and don't know what to think about the power of one love, when confronted by another that snatches your attention so powerfully.Please help.
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male
reader, Largemistake  +, writes (3 April 2011):
Take my advice, If your happy with your girlfriend don't bother. The grass is always greener and I can tell you from experience once you've jumped the fence its not as easy to get back to the other side. Afterall you live on the side you are on and nothing else feels like home.If things don't work out with your girl then you will always have that option later. the girl you are with may well be your soul mate, one that you risk loosing once you jump the fence.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): it is always flattering to know someone likes you. It may be that you do have some "chemistry". However, monogamy means you can acknowledge the chemistry exits but be as mature as you were and not let it progess. Monogamy may seem like second nature to some, but I suspect for most it is an ongoing decision process because of promises made either formal or informal. Monogamy means you have made a choice and you are sticking with it. In Marriage, monogamy is ordained by God as a sign of oneness with each other. It is a promise, made once, honored always.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 You might be able to answer that question for yourself actually in regards to reconnecting with former exes and admitting that your feelings still exist for them.
How would you feel if your current girlfriend was the one to write this question instead of you? Would you be thinking philosophicly about the debilitation of monogamy while thinking about your girlfriend admitting feelings to her ex and spending hours over drinks??
However, before I go too hard on you, you did the right thing by not allowing alcohol to cause you to do something you would regret. That is good. However, women tend to get almost as hurt over an emotional affair as they do an actual one. There's a reason why an ex-girlfriend is an ex. It's just that the past, and a few drinks, kinda wipe the reason why you broke up out of your mind.
I personally think that if you're in a loving relationship, yet someone else snatches your attention so powerfully, then it wasn't real love on your part to begin with. You may be fond of your current girlfriend, but face it...if you were head over heels in love, no one could turn your attention away. The mere sight of your girlfriend entering a room would give you butterflies and make you weak in the knees.
But again...how would you feel if your girlfriend had the same feelings and the same conversations with her ex that you're having with yours? Would you be okay with them going out over drinks, bumping into each other regularly and discussing how much you still feel for each other?
Nope. You should think long and hard about your current relationship. It's not fair to her if you don't only have eyes for her.
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