A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:So ive asked many questions in the past about my first girlfriend who is also my only girlfriend and we were together for 8 years. So i am 22 now so that means we were together since we were 14. we have grown together and i truely belive that we are completely compatible and "meant to be together" over the last month all i wanted was to get back together with her and as each week has gone by ive noticed healing. Yes i still miss her to death and want to get back together. I hear other sites saying not to put your ex on a pedistal but when i really think super hard she really was a great girlfriend. not perfect but really amazing and i dont need to date others to see that. so she started to get distant near the end of our relationship and also developed a crush on someone else(this has happened to me too but i never acted on it because i knew its only human to have crushes) so she left saying its because its not fair to me for her to be thinking of this other guy while we are in a relationship. As well because we had never dated other people and had noone to compare eachother to. These are mostly valid points and i understand where shes coming from but dont feel the same way. i really want to be with her forever so i respect that she wanted to end it for her to find herself and what she wants/needs. i realized after 8 years i had gotten into some bad habits and took advantage of her being so awsome. i believe partly this is because we moved in together since we were 18. BIG mistake we were way to young to be basically "married" and thats how it truely felt for years. i didnt mind it but thats because i wasnt pulling my weight in the partnership, i was being pampered basically. Now i truely see all my flaws and really want another shot with her but i know i have very little contol over if she allows this. i know she also took advantage of alot of my awsome traits as well more so being personality traits. So heres whats going on now. Today she called me asking about a not so serious docters appt asking how it went and also mentioned that we should get together soon for lunch or coffee. What do you think of this idea? i still want her back but im smart enough to not mess up this lunch by begging or talking about what went wrong. Ive heard that you shouldnt be friends when u still want them back but this may be a chance for me to win back her love even if that doesnt mean getting back together immediatly but i can show that i am in the midst of changing for the better. one thing i know is that i will be able to hold my own and not cave and mess up the lunch. so what do you think i should do? i really want to have lunch but im afraid it might put me backwards in my healing but it may also put me forward in my goal of winning her back. i feel "no contact" isnt the way to go about this but im not sure. hoping for some good advice on the situation. Thank you p.s. i dont believe shes dated anyone yet so this scares me because that was a suposed reason why we broke up in the first place. think she just misses us being best friends? think she realized like i did that i didnt need to date other to realize that her type is what io want in a partner? she also must be seeing all the changes ive been making like aplying to school, working out, eating healthy, and i quit smoking. it started out that i was doing it for her but i realized after a while that these were also things i wanted to change about myself for me. girls are so confusing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): My opinion is that NC is only to be used when you really want to cut the person off, and persist with no contact.
However, in your case, your ex is your friend too, so when she calls to ask how a doctor's appointment went, etc. it's as a concerned friend. Meeting up for coffee/meals is maintaining contact and being there for each other in the new dynamic that is your friendship.
Now that you've had time to reflect, you realise that she is THE ONE, and you also acknowledge you were too young before (18 when you moved in) and lots of lessons have been learnt. You also realise you don't need space, other people or anything else to make you see what you feel: that you are crazy about her.
I would say it's all or nothing. After your coffee/meal where you have a general catch up, go for a walk or find a good area where you can talk, and share all the above with her. How you truly feel, what you have learnt, what you now realise, and what you would like going forward.
Give her the opportunity to know your heart, and for her to decide if it's what she wants to try too, or to let it go. Then you can live with no regret, that you tried your best.
If she chooses only to remain friends, then you have much history, wonderful memories to be there for each other, as you go on the next phase of your journey. If however she too has missed you more than a friend, then you can begin the next Chapter in your lovely story.
One of the other posters said most girls prefer to "hold on" after a break up, but not all. It also depends on the reason for the break up. When someone lies and cheats, then nobody wants to hold on, because you can't be friends with a liar and cheat. However, if it's to explore yourself and the world because you were both young, and now know better, then who knows what the future holds?
Put your cards on the table, be a man and take the first step, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Nothing ventured, nothing gained :)
Good luck, and wishing you and your ex sweetheart all the best - whether it's together, or separate as friends.
xxxx E
A
male
reader, landomando  +, writes (7 February 2012):
I think she misses you and wants to see you. She is going to do this when she is sad or wants to be around you. This is how i've noticed/experienced how girls cope with break ups. They still hold on. You said she hasnt been dating or been seeing anyone. Well once she does start seeing someone, shes going to stop talking to you. Not go to lunch/coffee exc. My point is do u want to have this happen. Your still going to have feelings for her once you engage in seeing her and being around her. Moving on is going to be rough and alot harder then it could be. I really think that from what I have read that you two need to take a break. It doesnt seem like you have been broken up for long. And both of you agree that maybe its best to see new people.But if u do go to see her,.dont beg her back. dont be sad. Be happy get some new clothes maybe... Good luck I hope everything works out!
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