A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so lost on what to do..my ex-boyfriend and I were together for 3 years but closer to the end of our relationship he became distant and barely texted me (a lot had to do with work since he had started a full time job that involved shift work, but also he would always be with his friends) I felt as though he didn't want me in his life anymore so to avoid being hurt even worse in the end I left him. Shortly afterwards I met a guy around the same age at my new job. It seemed like we connected the first day we talked to each other and ever since then we have been inseparable (we've been together for approx. 7 months). Unfortunately in the past couple of weeks his ex-girlfriend has been texting him saying how she misses his family and talking crap about me (I've never met her and to top it all off she has a new born baby and a boyfriend of her own). It's been hard between us lately because every now and then I find him in deep thought after he gets a text from her or when we clean his room and find some things of hers...other than that he is so perfect and so is his family. I trust him and don't think he would ever cheat on me but I don't trust her. Also, my ex decided to text me a couple weeks ago saying how much he misses me and that he wishes we could try things again, he didn't realize how good he had it with me and so on..it kills me to hear him say this because he was my first ever boyfriend and I know that I am not 100% over him. When he found out I was with someone he got really upset and kept saying how he's never going to be with someone so good and beautiful again and that pretty soon I'm going to be married with kids which is what he wanted with me and so on..my friends have also stopped talking to me because I won't go out to parties with them anymore (they have all lost their boyfriends from cheating on them and my current boyfriend doesn't go out as often as my ex). I love love love my current boyfriend and as nice as he is, I've heard from a couple people that they can't see me with him in the future like they can with my ex. This is so overwhelming, does anybody have opinions on this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 it sounds to me like you both are using each other for a rebound, whether you realize it or not. he's not over his ex and clearly you're not over yours. this is no way to carry on a relationship.
you both enjoy being together, but are nostalgic for your pasts. maybe you both owe it to yourselves to get back with your exes and give it another go. i don't see much of a future with the guy you're with now.
but also, i wouldn't suggest immediately jumping into something new with your ex. take some time and heal. move on from the guy you're with now and be single for a bit. talk to your ex and let him know what's going on. be friends for a little while. if he really loves you and wants to be with you, he'll understand your desire for a little bit of time.
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