A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedlover10
writes:My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5mos now. We didn't see each other for the first 3mos but within the last 2mos we have been hanging it out. We were together for a year. We did have sex a few times here and there but I don't feel bad about it. He's the only person I'm comfortable with but now that we are just friends, I want to stop but not sure how to tell him. He wanted to be with me recently but then changed his mind b/c of my lifestyle...I have a 2yr old. He is 21 and I am 23. I know a 21yr old doesn't want to be tied down with his type of responsibility. My question is, if he doesn't want to be with me, why does he still treat me so nicely? He works every weekend and while he's suppose to be at work, he's with me and sometimes my daughter as well. He treats her like she's his. He brings me food when I haven't eaten or sometimes he comes to get me while he's at work and takes me out. He's given me massages and even painted my nails. What's going on here?!? I'm not complaining but it is pretty confusing b/c whenever I ask him if we are together, he says he isn't ready or whatever. He said he tried to move on with other women but it never worked. They weren't "fulfilling" he said I was the perfect woman for him, I give him something live for, and he hates how much he loves me at times. It's like he cant stop talking to me or seeing me. I heard from him once a week during the time we were broken up. Should I ask him to stop treating me like his girlfriend if he doesn't want to be with me?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 June 2015):
 Actually, like Honeypie said, he's not actually treating you like a girlfriend. Treating you like a girlfriend would be committing to you as a boyfriend and being there for you 100%. He is not interested in an actual RELATIONSHIP, which is the real heart of being a boyfriend.
What he wants is all the benefits of that arrangement without the effort or rules of a relationship. He gets the sex. He gets the ego boost. He gets your affection, but he doesn't have any strings attached. If you make a demand of him or want something emotionally, he can just either give you a bunch of lines, or he can disappear like he did before.
When you asked him "are we together" and he said he's "not ready, that's the very opposite of treating you like a girlfriend. Like Honeypie said, never mistake the Girl Friend Experience (GFE) for being a girlfriend.
Never mistake domesticity for commitment. Never give him sex, affection, availability hoping it will make him become ready, because he'll use you until you waste all of your time and good looks on him and your youth. You have a daughter who doesn't know that he's pretending to be attached without being attached, and that will hurt her immensely. Best to cut it off now before she gets older and REALLY gets hurt.
Again, he's not treating you like a girlfriend. He's treating you like his penis receptacle. He does all the lovey-dovey things because it softens you up and boosts his ego. Never be with a guy who isn't interested in all of you. And your daughter comes before all other considerations.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2015):
 I think him being nice... his him "paying" for the free sex and the GF experience, basically.
As you two are now it's NOT really a friendship (because sex is involved). But he enjoys your company, he just doesn't want to date you. It's a "sorta" FWB that many people fall into with an ex, because he is familiar to you, and you are familiar to him.
I would STOP with the sex and tell him to stop treating you like a GF, when if fact he doesn't seem to think you are GOOD enough for him to date.
He doesn't want to date anyone BUT he doesn't want to be alone either, and he DOES want the sex and emotional intimacy of treating you like a GF without having the give ANY commitment or have ANY responsibility towards a relationship. If he met a new girl tomorrow that he liked... he'd drop you like an old paper-bag in a heartbeat.
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