A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So i dated this guy for about two years, i broke up with him, hes been trying to 'get back at me' but also 'get me back' for the past six months, I recently started dating this new guy who gets very uncomfortable with my ex texting me as he will always start casual conversations and i will want to catch up, he was my first love after all i did have a special bond with him, but halfway threw a conversation he turns things into getting back together. I still care about my ex boyfriend but i dont want it to hurt my new boyfriend, if i answer the ex my boyfriend is upset and if i ignore the ex he makes me feel horrible... Whats the best way to handle this situation? I have no intentions of getting back with my ex but i would hate to lose him
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 February 2016):
 How do you think you would feel if your boyfriend was recieving textes from an ex girlfriend telling him that she wants him back? I'm guessing not good, you should think about how this is effecting your boyfriend, and if you want to be with him, you cannot be friends with your ex. If you don't want to lose your ex well then let your boyfriend go so he can find a girl who doesn't text her ex, and spends all her attention on him. It is totally inappropriate for your ex to be asking you back when you are with someone but my guess is you wont stop because you enjoy the attention you are getting from both boys.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2016): Nobody would ever be happy with their partner's ex trying to get back with them. I don't agree with remaining friends with an ex, what's the point. It only makes a new boyfriend/girlfriend uncomfortable.
Some people think you can remain friends with an ex but that's not what he's doing with you, he clearly still likes you as more than a friend. He has absolutely no respect for your current boyfriend and he's being a pain in the ass.
You need to decide who you value more, your ex or your boyfriend. If it's your ex then you should split up with your boyfriend.
If he's making you feel horrible then I know which one I would choose.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 February 2016):
 Don't straddle the fence.
PICK one of them - either the ex OR the new guy. Whomever you pick... BLOCK and DELETE the other's phone number - ditto for Facebook etc.
If you pick the new guy, you texting the ex is so shady. While you may think you are "only" doing it to be "friends" with the ex... the EX and the NEW guy sees it differently. The EX thinks you text him still because there is hope. He doesn't think you actually wants to move on. If you ignore him... HOW can he make you feel horrible? Hmm?
You are talking to the ex AND the new guy - because you don't want to HURT anyone, most of all yourself. You don't want to be seen as "mean". IT IS not mean to stop talking to an ex. THERE is a good reason you broke up with him, and then moved on. But there really isn't a GOOD reason to stay" friends" with someone WHO is not your friend, and that is your ex. HE isn't LOOKING to be your pal, he is looking to make you change your mind. HE isn't RESPECTING that you broke up with him and moved on. He thinks your NO, I'm not interested means yes, if he just KEEPS pushing for it, and by NOT cutting him off... you make that notion all the more "real" to him. YOU already "lost" the ex when you two broke up. THAT is a fact.
And you are mucking up your new relationship by CATERING to this ex, because it makes your new guy think you aren't OVER the ex or that you are playing games.
So if you are tired of being pulled on two directions, MAKE up your mind. New guy or EX. PICK one, STICK with one and CUT THE other one off. It's not complicated AT ALL.
Down the line who knows? maybe you CAN be friends with an ex, but while ONE person still hold feelings and WANT a relationship back and the other doesn't, there CAN BE no friendship. For now.. you can't, so LET it go.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 February 2016):
 How very exciting for you ...........
You need to decide what you want. If you hate the idea of losing your ex then you do the right thing and break up with the new guy. If you want to remain with the new boyfriend then you stop the bullshit with the ex. If the ex is manipulating you into feeling horrible, then (based on your stated age) you discuss this with a mature adult that you trust, Mum, dad, aunt, older sister, and then you block the ex. You should not be giving anybody who makes you feel horrible access to you via phone or social networks.
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