A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:query on threesomes. never been there but often curious. My ex boyfriend (who i'm still madly in love with) has asked me to have a threesome with the woman he left me for (they are no longer together). My first response was an emphatic "never". I think this is an emotional minefield but the more i think about it, the more curious i am. He has given me other options but i don't trust him to look after me emotionally. I'm interested in some feedback on how best to approach something like this when emotionally involved...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for you advice; i think it requires a very healthy emotional intelligence, it's a personal curiousity but not a preference. I heed the warnings re emotional issues. Yet don't think i'd want to be involved in this without any emotional connections. and so, to life, love, and friendship! may you all find wisdom and prosperity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): The best answer is to run in the other direction. Imagine, you will have to SEE the person you are still in love with, with another girl. Can you really handle that and be ok in the morning when he still won't love you back?
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A
male
reader, easass23  +, writes (19 February 2007):
Okay, I'm a guy so my answer is skewed, but I say do it. I know you're not over him, but what are the chances you get back together with him? If little, then do it. If you are still holding out hope, don't. You have the opportunity to satisfy your curiosity basically with no strings, which is a rare situation (usually its the current boyfriend/lover who asks you to do this). When you leave the trist you are still in the same situation you were before it.
In addition, having been in a 3some once before, its amazing and something you will always remember.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): You are right, it is an emotional minefield and he is your ex. The best way to approach it is to forget about it, and forget about him. He just wants to use you to get his jollies!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all for your time. Sincerely appreciate your comments.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): You say: "i don't trust him to look after me emotionally". That's because he does not want to look after you emotionally, he just wants a 3some. Its not his job to do that, its your job to look after yourself emotionally.
If you are still in love with this guy, and have sex with him and the girl he left you for (OMG!), do you think that will fit in with your idea of love? I don't, frankly.
If you were were not emotionally attached or in love, and had somehow reached a point in your life of being good friends with him and this girl, and felt comfortable, it would probably still not be a great idea but would at least be conceivable! In your situation, its just a trainwreck waiting to happen.
If you are curious to have a 3some, do it with people you feel comfortable with but are not in love with or emotionally attached, that would be my advice.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 I think having a treesome would just make the situation worse. It is just his fantasy to have two ex's pleasuring him at the same time. As far as I am concerned, you see this as your chance to get back with him, when he doesn't have any interest in getting back together with you. He just wants sex.
The best thing to do is move on, this will only mess with your head and then wont have the outcome you are looking for. I think you emphatic "never" was right on the money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): I cannot beleive that you are even considering it. He is your EX for goodness sake and he obviously does not care about either of you girls, he just wants to fulfil HIS fantasy. Yeah, so you still have feelings for him, it does not mean that you have to make the situation for yourself any worse. Move on , move on, move on.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Hi Anon. If you still love the guy and he just wants you for sex then you should not even be talking to him never mind considering having a threesome! It will just make you feel worse about yourself and he'll probably lose any respect for you that he had although he can't have that much if he has asked you to do this... He probably knows that you love him and is exploiting your vulnerability. Stay away and forgot about him. If you want to explore a threesome then do it through a singles club or in a situation where you don't have any emotional ties. Also be careful; watch out for STD's and it could affect your self esteem. Take care.
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