A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We met two years ago and were together for 5 months. I instantly felt we were great together, never before have I felt such a strong connection with a man, and I've had my share of relationships. I soon discovered that his 7-year girlfriend had dumped him three months before we met and that he was depressed. Although he promised he wanted to make it work between us, eventually we broke up because he didn't want to be in a relationship.I was heartbroken, but picked up my pieces and tried to move on. We had no contact for a year. Last September he rang me and told me he was suffering from severe depression and needed support. I was immediately there for him. Since then, we have become really close as friends and spent a lot of time together. He seems to be doing much better as he has gone through therapy for his depression and has found a new job. At some point, I was worried that we were getting too close (emotionally and mentally only) but he kept on behaving as a friend, so I forgot about it. Three weeks ago, we spent a whole day together and then we met some friends of his and got really drunk. We hugged to say goodnight and for some reason the only thing that came out naturally for both of us was to kiss. It was the most passionate kiss I've ever had. A week later we talked about it and he said that he loves me, that we are so similar it's sometimes scary, but that he's afraid of a relationship between us not working again, that he doesn't know if he wants a relationship and that we should give it time. I told him that I want to be with him, but that I can also be a friend, I just can't be something in between.Since then, we haven't contacted each other at all. He is moving house this week, so he's been busy, but he forgot my birthday last week.What do I do? Do I give him time? I'm not ready to give up the only man that has made me feel I've found my other half. But what if this man is never going to make up his mind about being with me and I waste a couple more years waiting for him? And what exactly does giving him time mean? Not call him, act indifferent? If he rings me and asks me to go out, do I make myself available? Do I have sex with him? I have met someone else who seems really nice and very interested, only I can't get myself to be interested in him. Do I go out with the other guy? Do I tell the ex?So many questions. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Don't wait around for him to make a commitment to you. Live your life to the fullest, including dating other men. In the meantime be his friend, and if things progress beyond that, give it a go and see what happens. But if he doesn't come around, at least you will have other interests to take up your time and occupy your mind.
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