A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm in a LDR and I have been for almost a year with a guy that I'm really in love with. My only problem is that he spends a lot of time with his ex, and she's been his friend before and after their relationship, but after they broke up, they distanced themselves for a while, which was when I met him and fell in love with him, etc. A few months back, she came around, and while I trust him, I'm really uncomfortable with them spending so much time together. Currently, he doesn't have a phone because of expenses, which is understandable, but when we do get to talk, if she's around, she's always distracting him. Part of this bothers me because whenever his other friends are around, they let us have our time, but she just doesn't know how to let us have some time to talk. And it's not as if she's a new friend, he's known her for a long time, so she's one of those friends that can entertain herself while being over. It's just frustrating.The reason it's so difficult for me to just express that it makes me uncomfortable is because the reason he has her over so often is because he's one of her few close friends and she recently just got released from the hospital after a suicide attempt, so she's pretty fragile emotionally. I think it would be a bit harsh for me to say, "Hey, can you tell her to go away? I know she's depressed, but she's going to have to occupy herself with something else." But even if he's doing this to be nice for her and to take care of his friend, I really don't like that this is putting a damper in an already difficult situation for us, but again, I wouldn't want to ask him to do something like that, not only because I'm sure he wouldn't for his friend's sake, I also wouldn't want to do that to her. I'm just so confused, and I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or what. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): You are not being selfish. You want some time with your guy when little miss isn't around I totally understand, and It's amazing that you notice how fragile the situation is with her being depressed and all but relationship can't live with communication so that's what you have to do. I'm sure you're guy is sweet and caring for wanting to help his old gal pal out and you should tell him that but you guys need some one on one time. I'm sure he'll understand. You guys need to be able to hang out and be alone. Your guy may not be crossing over any lines as far as cheating goes but you do need you time, try going out instead of hanging at the house for a date night. Just you two. Or if his friend tags along try the movies. A place where you guys can snuggle up close to one another. But you have to tell him. And the girl. This may sound crazy but you should try to talk to her. Try to be friends. Who knows, you to may become best friends? If not then you might want to bring a guy friend along. DON'T flirt with this guy friend or ANYTHING like that. I'm suggesting setting up your guy friend with the girl or if nothing else he might be able to cheer you up a little next time she shows up. And maybe your guy will notice you a little more with someone else around and be suddenly more welcoming to a little more private time. You could even bring one of your girl friends along. If your guy doesn't get that you want alone time don't push him, just say things like "maybe me and you could go out to eat/to the movies/dancing for some alone time, just you and me" and remind yourself that he's into YOU. Not her. If all else fails don't be rude to the girl but tell her that you would like a little space. Be gentle and only use that as a VERY LAST resort. Sincerely Yours-BeenThereBefore
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