A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I'm new on here. My boyfriend and I were just friends for about two yr before we took the step to f.w.b. then to dating. He has been dropping hints that he is going to proposal( he has asked in his sleep and when he was drunk, and always talking about the furture and includes me and my son in his plans) about months now. He is very good to me and my son. We both love him dearly. My boyfriend is older and a lot more experienced than me. He also has E.D.which don't bother me. I have couple issues thro that has me confused.We were just friends and when we were f.w.b. when we went out made me feel like I was the only woman in the whole world,but shortly after he started dropping hint of proposal. He start ogling other chicks at first it was just every now and then, now it everytime a halfway cute girl walks pass. I have told him how it make me feel, but he get mad and won't talk about it and wont even talk to me for days.The worst case of this so from was on my birthday, it was the first time in months we went on a date. He was sitting there talking all romantic stuff to me saying he going to book us a weekend at bed and breakfast when the weather warms up while the whole time checking out the servers butts and every girls in the place never looking at me . We were at the restaurant for about hr and half I think his eyes only looked my way for about a min the whole time. I used to be a top runway model and have kept myself in very good condition, so I know I'm beautiful. A few months before he started doing the ogling thing, I discover he had an addition to porn from being single for almost ten yrs.He has cut down a lot on watching porn from what I can tell, but I'm no computer guru. I was wanting if his action of ogling is he is scared of getting married again,his issue down below, he wanting out, he want a younger model, or he making up for his lack to be able to watch porn and give into his addiction?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 March 2013):
 Hi
If a man took me out for a birthday meal but never once looked at me but instead the waitresses, I would have said something to him there and then.It's disrespectful and if it carried on I would have left him in the place to stare alone
He doesn't appear to make you feel secure, you have issues with him looking at other women and watching porn - so until you have sorted these out, why consider marrying him?
You may be a beautiful woman but at the moment you sound as though your losing confidence being with him. You need to talk
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 March 2013):
 "I have told him how it make me feel, but he get mad and won't talk about it and wont even talk to me for days."
That's not the action of a mature person. That's the behavior of a spoiled child who has been scolded, and is throwing a temper tantrum.
If you are serious about linking you and your child permanently to this man, you and he need to work on your communicating styles, IF he's willing to try. There are counselors and therapists who can help, you are in the US so you have lots of options there.
The next time he throws this type of temper tantrum, let him know that the relationship is in jeopardy and that you and he will need to solve the problem together. "I have concerns about your commitment to us and about your ability to behave as a loving husband. Loving husbands do not ogle other women in front of their wives." If he declines this opportunity to improve your relationship, then decline to marry him. Just because he's older and has more 'experience' doesn't make him wise and mature.
While you are with the counselor and therapist, you can discuss porn use and its link to ED. There's a great resource here: http://yourbrainonporn.com The starter video is here: http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-happens-when-kids-grow-up-on-unlimited-access-to-pornography?
You will not have a stable relationship if you two do not learn to communicate and discuss things that are difficult in a calm, loving manner.
If he refuses to make things betterk, well, then I guess you have your answer.
Best wishes.
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